7 Signs You Seriously Need To Let Someone Go Without Regret

What does it mean to “let someone go”?

Let’s get something straight quickly before we discuss the signs.

Letting someone go by cutting off that person is not practical in each and every situation.

Family relationships, for instance, can get tricky as you sometimes can’t do that.

But it doesn’t mean you can’t let go.

Don’t be confused that if you can’t cut ties, you can’t let someone go.

You still can let them go in different ways.

You can minimize contact, keep it casual, keep it professional, stop offering help, or just change the depth of the relationship you have with that person.

There are options.

The main idea is that you don’t allow the person’s toxicity to ruin your life. To prevent that, you let them go. And you can let them go in various ways as long as you prevent them from negatively affecting you.

And you’re justified in doing that.

Let’s get started with the signs you need to let someone go.

The more signs you find, the more toxic the situation is. The more toxic the situation is, the faster you need to let go.

#1 They Are Aiming Down, Aren’t Helping Themselves, and Aren’t Listening to Your Advice. All At Once

Aiming down means not helping one’s self.

It’s the opposite of doing what’s best for you.

That could mean so many things, from failure to take responsibility to addictive behaviors and habits.

When someone is aiming down, they’re making their life worse. They’re deteriorating. They’re failing and they continue to fail.

And when you try to interfere, they don’t listen. They shy away from genuine, helpful advice. It’s like you show them where the water is when they’re thirsty but they don’t go to get it. Instead, they drink their 10th wine glass to relinquish their thirst.

Let them go. You cannot save them. You will drown with them inside their 11th wine glass.

The best help you can give someone who is not trying to help themselves is to stop helping them.

Harsh and cruel. But wise and necessary.

#2 They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

Setting boundaries is about defining one of your legitimate needs and then standing up for it.

For example, I need space and want to spend time with myself.

So, I articulate that by putting it into direct, polite, and strong words to the people around me.

I won’t be aggressive or attack them saying I need to be alone. I will just express my need for space as assertively as possible. And assertiveness doesn’t mean rudeness or aggression by the way.

Or, I don’t like when someone speaks to me in a certain way. It makes me feel disrespected and uncomfortable.

So, I will express to them that I don’t accept being treated this way and that there will be consequences if they continue.

Assertive, strong, and direct. You can use some aggression here if necessary. You can be calm but strong and direct. Anyway, you’re expressing a need and defending yourself.

In a nutshell, this is the basic idea of setting boundaries.

If someone doesn’t respect that by still violating your boundaries, they don’t respect you. Period! Let them go and assert the boundary even more.

#3 They Don’t Appreciate the Efforts You Exert For Them

In relationships, you don’t exert effort to get something out of the other person.

In my opinion, that’s manipulation.

In relationships, you exert effort because you care and want to exert effort.

However, if you’re not getting effort back in return, it’s time to rethink so many things about that relationship.

It’s the same idea when you give someone advice and they don’t listen. You stop giving it.

And if your efforts aren’t met with similar efforts or at least appreciation, even though that’s not the point of exerting those efforts, stop.

It could mean you’re taken for granted. Or that the other person doesn’t really care.

If your intentions aren’t manipulative and you’re exerting genuine effort but it doesn’t get met with a similar effort, stop it.

Don’t allow yourself to be taken for granted.

Plus, if you don’t stop, you’ll contribute to a one-sided relationship. And those are exhaustive and humiliating.

#4 They Don’t Get Excited When You Win

This one is straightforward and very important.

Pay attention to how people react to your good news.

People who care about you will be excited that something good happened to you. You’ll see it in their eyes and feel it in their behavior. They’re genuinely happy and wish you even more success.

People who secretly don’t wish you well will not be happy or excited. Your good news won’t elicit positive emotions inside of them. And they cannot fake that.

They will not congratulate you or celebrate with you. They won’t don’t it genuinely. They might even try to outshine you by telling stories of their success, or someone else’s success, or try to give you advice on how to keep this success.

You’ll feel it in the way they talk, move, and engage with you. They’re not really happy.

You don’t want someone like that in your close circle.

#5 Their Eyes Glamor When You Lose

This is similar to the previous point.

When someone is happy that something bad happened to you, they surely do not wish you well.

You can see this person is glowing because something terrible happened to you.

Secretly, they are happy you’re not doing well. Again, you can feel that in the way they behave. In their eyes, energy, words, and the stories they share.

They want to see you lose. How do you know that? They are happy and okay that you’re losing. A real friend won’t be happy you’re having a hard time. And that cannot be faked.

If your bad news makes them happy, pleased, and comfortable, you don’t want them around you. A real friend is someone who you’re sure that if you tell them bad news, they will listen and not be happy about it.

#6 They Are Too Negative to Be Around

Some people are unrealistically (even naively) positive.

Those are the people who advocate toxic positivity and all that nonsense.

But some people, on the other hand, are unrealistically negative.

First of all, they have what we talked about in point #1. They’re aiming down and they don’t accept advice.

They only see the bottom and are on their way to it. Rapidly!

Second, they want you to come along with them. They are just too negative that everything they say brings you down to the bottom they’re aiming at.

You provide solutions and suggestions. They tell you how they won’t work. And then they start to ponder on self-pity and misery.

Their energy is draining. Their mentality is defeated. And their willingness to do anything is zero.

Trying to point out anything that is not negative won’t work. And trying to point out that they can face the negativity (and defeat it) is out of the question as they won’t believe that.

They’re defeated and they want to bring you down as well.

If you spend enough time around such people, your mentality and energy will take a hard hit.

Don’t let their negativity be a part of your life.

And don’t let them convince you that their negativity is about being realistic.

The most realistic option against life’s adversity is to fight back because it’s the only option that has the potential to overcome it.

And don’t be convinced by the semi-negative ones, too.

Those are the ones who will try to convince you that they’re not defeated and that they’re trying their best.

But, in reality, they are taking actions in a way that will only prove their point of view that there’s no hope. To prove that they are victims. To prove that they were right about their negativity.

Self-fulfilling prophecy!

They’re affirming what they believe. They’re trying to prove it to you and to themselves and to the world.

Don’t believe them. Stay away. And read the next point.

#7 Their Actions and Words Don’t Match

How do you know what a person is really made of?

You look at their actions. Their words are meaningless if they don’t align with their actions.

Look at what they do, not what they say. And believe only that.

People are constantly telling you who they are through their actions. You just have to stop listening to their words and start paying attention to their actions.

Take their words into consideration and listen to them. But only judge by their actions.

Who you are is not constituted by your words. Who you are is shaped by what you do.

Think about it. What makes us trust someone is not their words. It’s their actions. Always pay attention to that.

Most of the people who got betrayed, when they realize they were betrayed, have one common thought and realization. It’s, “I saw this in their behavior and actions. I saw early signs of this betrayal in their behavior at one point or another.”

Watch the actions. And be clear with yourself about what those actions say about this person.

Don’t be too suspicious to the point of paranoia. Just be wise enough to see when someone’s actions don’t match who they say they are and walk away.

Let go.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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