After countless coffee dates and awkward conversations, you find your person finally. You find someone who loves your hysterical laughs as well as maniacal sobs. Whenever you see that person, you feel butterflies. When you look at them, every nonsensical romantic movie makes sense. They are the first with who you share your successes and hardships. You find the person with who you think you will live the rest of your life.
But after some time, you notice yourself not feeling excited about your time together. Everything seems right, but also it doesn’t. You catch yourself wondering if you were a bit naive to think of it as something permanent. But also, you are afraid of losing ‘the one’ by being unreasonable in your feelings. You aren’t even sure of what you are feeling. You can’t understand if it’s ending or if it’s all in your mind.
How can you know if you are falling out of love? If you see any of these signs in your relationship, gather your wits and courage. It’s time to either mend your relation or get rid of it altogether and move on.
1. You do not talk of your shared future anymore
When the relationship was thriving, you thought of it as the done deal. You knew for sure you were going to be together forever. You had planned everything in advance or at least were hopeful of your times together. You had dreamed of spending all your holidays together, of marriage and kids. Thinking about the future with them had felt good — felt like home.
But it doesn’t happen anymore. You don’t like to talk about anything concrete which concerns your future together. You are cautious of leading on your partner. You don’t want to consider even simple plans for a long time in the future. Going to the movies today is okay by you, but you are not sure of a trip two months later. You give non-committal answers to anything concrete. When you think of any future goals, they are no longer in the picture. Your dreams do not include them in any way.
2. Your times together are like making a coffee
When you came back from a hectic day at work, looking at their face dissolved the stress. You got through the day by imagining them snuggling to you when you reach home. You felt connected to them, made time for them even in busy schedules. Dates and events together excited you.
A lot of time has passed since you have felt the rush on the prospect of meeting them. Instead, spending time with them drains your energy. You know what they like and dislike, so you always do things according to their mood. There are no exciting changes anymore. Everything with them feels monotonous. You sleep on the same side of the bed daily, brush in silence, and have breakfast while engrossed in your screens. You work almost on automatic. To the outside world, it may seem robotic even.
3. You are happier when apart
In the early days of your relationship, you wanted to spend each waking hour with them or around them. You tried to find ways to be alone as you wanted them all to yourself. Their smiles were from where you derived your energy. You entered parties late and left early to be with them.
But now you find excuses. You may or may not want to do it, but something or the other always comes up. You notice the company of your coworkers more enjoyable. You attend all the parties without them and exit late so that you don’t have to be with them any longer than necessary. Every person, occasion, event not involving them feels more promising.
4. You get annoyed at other people showing affection
Going out in public didn’t use to make any difference to your show of love. You were the same in a closed room as in the open. Your friends got embarrassed due to your PDA. But it hadn’t ever mattered to you because you were too engrossed to notice.
But now, being around those mushy couples annoy you to no extent. You feel they are rubbing it in your face because what other reason would they have to be so much in love. You feel sad/angry because you were that person not so long ago. You miss being that person. And you take out your frustration on others. You don’t like going out as much as you did, especially in places you expect a couple to be present. You avoid going to such sites.
5. The “I love you” has become more of a routine
The cute declares of love of what you had expected in a romantic relation. Your heart swelled when you saw them. You used to be so excited about spending time together. You might not even be doing anything together, but it still felt great.
Now, your day starts with a kiss and ends with an I love you. But you do it all because it needs to be. Not because you feel like it or want to do it. You do it without any thought because it has become sort of a routine. The I love you don’t feel any of a big deal to you. It feels the same as calling out someone’s name.
6. You get annoyed at everything they do
When we are in love with someone, we usually look through rose-tinted glasses. Everything about them seems reasonable to you. You somehow had managed to turn a flaw into something worth adoring. You enjoyed the way they danced, laughed, sang, talked, slept, or ate.
But you don’t feel the same anymore. You have started noticing things about them you never had before. You don’t like the way their lips curve up when they smile or how they laugh in pics. You don’t like their hair falling on their ears or how they stare at the screen while watching a movie. You get pissed at them being friendly or distant, kind or cruel, happy or sad. In short, you hate every single activity they do or don’t.
7. You no longer remember the stories they told
At the start of your relationship, you hung at their every word and laughed at their silliest jokes. You used to pay so much attention to them. When they referred to an anecdote of their life, you knew the exact context. You knew them as much as they knew themselves, if not more.
These things no longer interest you. You are so lost when they talk that you don’t even listen to what they are saying. Everything seems more entertaining than their words. And when you try to call back to what they had said, you remember nothing. There are many parts of their lives you no longer know. Also, you have zero motivation to know them anymore.
You can’t fall in or out of love in a day or two. Most of the time, couples don’t even realize their relationship is falling apart until it’s too late. If you feel unhappy or stuck in your relationship, look for these signs. And if you find any, you’ll need to take an even more vital decision.
You’ll have to decide whether the relationship is worth mending. If you decide it is, fight for it. Do what it takes to bring it back to its track. But if you feel it isn’t a cause worth saving, it’s better to get out of it at the earliest.
Do whatever makes you happy.
Previously Published on medium
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