I originally wrote a post with this title after the terror attack with a truck in Nice.
#1) An explosion thought to be caused by a suicide bomber, in Manchester UK. My first thought is “no words”. But we have to figure out a way through these events, and we need words to collectively process them. Words are important. In times like these, in all times.
#2) I am the victim of a terrorist attack. I was hit by shrapnel from one of the bombs at the Boston Marathon. Remember that? Light years ago. I look down at my leg, yes, the misshapen bump where the shrapnel hit is not there. But I suddenly realize–my tinnitus seems to be gone. It usually comes back when I am on ‘high alert’. My live has gone back to normal, but I will never normalize this type of behavior. Nor am I going to live my life in fear—but simply continue to work to help solve the underlying problems that are a catalyst for such brutality. You may think it can’t be solved. That doesn’t matter. I will try anyway.
#3) The stories you hear from the people who are there have universal themes to them. When I was at the Boston Marathon, it was a bright sunny day. A celebration. One of my daughters was running, I was standing at the finish line with one of my other daughters. At the Ariana Grande concert, there were pink balloons. It is that juxtaposition of celebration and terror which adds to the feeling of unreality in the aftermath. For me, space stretched out—the sidewalk I was on seemed as wide as a highway. I saw a victim who had lost the lower part of his leg. He was on the sidewalk, being supported by four people helping and comforting him. The tourniquet tied around his leg was bright white. So bright, it almost glowed. No one was moving—they were so still it was like a family portrait. The ambulance was just arriving and the only movement was a guy softly jumping up and down next to the victim saying “c’moo, c’mon, c’mon”, trying to will the ambulance to get there faster. I’ve grown a lot since then. I know how to tie a tourniquet—use the thinnest string possible. As close to the wound as you can. Don’t panic. Go as slow as you need to. Get it right. Focus on what you need to focus on.
#4) When I don’t have the words for something, I look to others who do. Soraya Chemaly makes a brilliant and important point in a Facebook post here: “Ariana Grande’s audiences aren’t just filled with children but specifically with free, loud, public girls. This is a strategy and it’s explicit. It’s not only about targeting spaces filled with young people in hedonistic settings but very focused on the role and presence of girls in these spaces. Recruiting disaffected young men is enabled by misogyny and toxic masculine ideals everywhere. Most of the on-air public commentary that I’m hearing is ignoring what this means and what it means in terms of our own governance and lack of women in our governance. It’s very frustrating and one of the reasons why our attempts to address the threats represented by all kinds of extremist violence, include white male supremacist violence in the US, are anemic. Am also adding here, because it’s related and pertinent that she also has a large gay male following. Several people have pointed that out and there is zero doubt that homophobia and misogyny are two sides of the same coin.” (Used with permission, see original here.)
#5) My daughter Shannon was standing with me at the finish line. The first bomb went off. We didn’t know what happened. The murmur filled the air, we heard the word “bomb”. This is the story you hear from the people in the Manchester venue. For us, we decided to run…and as it turned out, we ran directly into the area where the second bomb was going off. I fell. Shannon, caught between the two explosions with no where to run, thought she was going to die. Was convinced of it. She thought to herself “At least I had a good life.” She was seventeen, and she lived. Not everyone did. But those words changed me, and changed others. To be able to think you are going to die and have your thought be “at least I had a good life”—that is something to strive for. Life is fragile. Make it worth it.
#6) I will once again reference someone else’s words. @AlexSteffen on Twitter says, “Angry about ISIS? Fight for secular and strong democracy, human rights & global social justice. Progress, not bombs, is how we beat them.”
#7) The way through this is to connect more, not less. To talk more, not less. To fear less, not more. To live and help others live.
At The Good Men Project, we continue to believe that change is possible. That we can co-create a future together. That we can change ourselves as individuals, we can partner with small groups, and we can change the narrative and the societal structures with large groups and other media companies. We can change the culture.