![](https://goodmenproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/0_7pA_L-KOc90BjOsB.jpg)
Want to have a terrible partner? Get involved with a narcissist.
Narcissists show us again and again that getting involved with them will be a colossal mistake-one we’ll regret forever.
Yet many of us are blinded by love and dive right in. Here are 7 ways the narcissist reveals they’ll be a terrible partner to you.
1. It all begins with love-bombing
When we first meet someone, we are on our best behavior. We are flirtatious, cordial, and polite. We’re showered and groomed, dressed to impress, and armed with witty conversation.
But narcissists take this to an entirely new level. They love-bomb you to the extreme.
In the first week when you meet them, they tell you that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them; they want to know where you’ve been their entire life.
They will find out everything about you. Beware; they’ll use that against you later.
They call and text. Flowers and gourmet boxes of chocolates arrive at your door. You are wined and dined and given constant attention.
They’ve even written you a song. A song! You will be completely blown away by their impressive display of devotion.
And that’s only the first week or two.
Their lavish attention bedazzles you. You can’t believe your good fortune. You hit the love jackpot for sure.
This is a huge red flag. If they are acting over the top, it’s not genuine.
Healthy people take the time to know you before they declare their undying love. And some partners never declare anything. They’ll show they care by cooking dinner or fixing your car for you instead.
2. They’ll avoid commitment
Now that the narcissist hooked you on their love line, the love bombing will calm down.
They may disappear for a few days- and when you ask them where they were, they’ll get indignant.
“You don’t own me,” they will say.
Wait- only last week they told you that you were the love of their life. What happened?
They will introduce you to people as a friend and gradually pull away from you.
They are gone for days and then hoover back to you. You are shocked to find out that the love of your life was seeing other people.
They tell you they can’t be in a relationship. You think it’s because they were once hurt, so you try harder. You are always trying harder to make it work. Love is not supposed to be this difficult.
They return for a while, and you feel intense relief. You take them back again. They care. They whisper words of love- then nothing all over again.
Congratulations. You are now their option.
3. They are self-focused and aren’t interested in your life
With a narcissist, your relationship will never be about you. It’s always about them. Always.
Your sole purpose is to revolve around them and their incessant needs.
They are self-focused people who prioritize themselves.
Even though they seemed so interested in you when you met, that won’t last. Now they’ve figured you all out, and it is back to them again.
They don’t care about meeting your family or friends unless it benefits them in some way.
They don’t care about what your interests are; you will spend any time with them doing what they want.
They will call you when they’re lonely or bored.
4. They have no empathy for you — ever
You saw them with someone else and you are upset. You call them up in tears.
Remember- they once said you were the love of their life.
Now they are angry with you. How dare you want to control them? You need to grow up. There’s no consideration of your feelings at all.
Your parent died. They don’t care. They want to talk about what they want to talk about. And it’s not you, or your problems. They are unwilling to empathize with you.
They are not coming over to cheer you up or comfort you in your grief. They are too busy with their important life.
You are not their priority unless they need you for something.
5. They are disrespecting and abusing you
After the honeymoon period ends, the narcissist will get tired of you. They are busy seeing others and increasing their supply. There can be no shortage of admirers in their life.
When they do pay attention to you, there will be no more loving words. Soon you will be shocked to hear them berate you and get angry over everything you say or do. They’ll become abusive.
No matter how much you try to make them happy, nothing you do will ever be good enough for them.
They will wreak havoc on your mental health by gaslighting you and twisting your words.
Remember, If you are unsure of how they feel about you it is the wrong relationship for you.
If they make you feel crazy with their hot and cold behavior, you need to get out. Emotional roller coasters will only hurt you.
And no one has the right to abuse you.
6. They make you feel you’re not good enough
If you’ve ever gone out in public with a narcissist and watched them as they text other people and flirt with the waitstaff, you will know how painful that can be.
They notice and gush over others and act like you are invisible to them.
They’ll openly admire people and compare you unfavorably.
“Why don’t you wear your hair like her? She is so classy and put together.”
“That woman is beautiful. She has an amazing job. She’s going places.”
“He drives a BMW. I can see myself in a cool car like that. I hate your boring car.”
It goes on and on.
“My ex had a cool house. My ex was understanding, unlike you.”
“My ex supported me. Why don’t you?”
“I can’t believe you embarrassed me in front of my friends.”
It goes on and on.
They will constantly point out your flaws- real and imaginary- to prove to themselves that you are beneath them and not worthy to be in their presence.
7. They make you a scapegoat
With a narcissist, everything is your fault and nothing is theirs.
If things go wrong, it’s all your fault. If they break something, lose their job, or the steak is overdone, it’s your fault.
You have ruined their lives.
They never see their part in it.
And worst of all, they will never say they’re sorry.
Don’t wait for them to change because they never will
Don’t waste the best years of your life waiting for a narcissist to see the light and realize you are the one for them.
You will only end up old, bitter, and alone.
Many loving and empathetic people have wasted days, months, and even years hoping the narcissist will realize how much they mean to them.
People have missed out on happiness with a genuine partner who’s capable of loving them by clinging to a narcissist who will never see the light.
Recognize your value and believe you deserve respect, love, and care in your relationships.
And be sure to recognize the 7 ways the narcissist reveals they’ll be a terrible partner to you listed above and stay away. Because you deserve better, my friend.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
—–
Photo credit: Joshua Rondeau on Unsplash
Kindly consider whether another being is capable of # 6.they make you feel you’re not good enough. They may intend to make us feel, yet our ultimate nature is freedom.