Let’s talk about a little thing I like to call the Big O – and actually just to clarify it’s not so much a little thing, rather an earth shattering, mind-blowing out of this world thing. At least it should be! And women, just as much as men, want to experience this earth shattering, mind-blowing out of this world thing, as they should.
But unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. What level of pleasure is your partner getting in the bedroom?
If your partner is not sexually satisfied it can feel like a karate chop to the ego—but it’s time to take yourself out of the equation and look at a bigger more complete picture.
Women’s sex lives can be negatively impacted if their psychological wellbeing is not taken care of. From negative self-beliefs to fear of reliving past trauma, there are various psychological reasons that can impact your time together in the bedroom.
Lack of Communication
You’re not a mind reader. Simple as that. Have you tried asking her what she likes? What turns her on? Every woman and every body is different and should be treated as such! Maybe what got a previous lover off before isn’t what is going to work now.
Hot sex has just as much to do mentally as it does physically for women.
You Don’t Make Noise
Maybe being super vocal in the bedroom isn’t your thing. That’s cool. But here’s the thing, there should be at least a little bit of vocal encouragement. Perhaps your woman is self-conscious that her performance isn’t up to par when she doesn’t get a vocal response. As a result of your lack of vocal encouragement, she might get into her head about her performance.
And the worst thing to do during sex is getting into your head and starting to doubt yourself. If she becomes self-conscious that her sexual performance isn’t living up to your standards its quite possible that she’s going to shut down making it much more difficult for her to climax. Quiet whispers or load groans, whatever it is just show your woman some vocal enthusiasm. Please!
She didn’t Pee
One reason your partner might not be getting the orgasm of her dreams is that she is nervous she is going to pee. Seriously. If a woman experiences the sensation of needing to urinate, letting go and relaxing her vaginal muscles can become very difficult for the fear of peeing during intercourse.
If you and your partner are into that, that’s cool but if you aren’t it only causes a lack of focus and a mental struggle on your partner’s behalf. This sensation of needing to pee during sex is quite common but can be a real mood killer. How can you combat this so your lady can relax her body and mind in bed to experience the highest potential of pleasure? Make sure she uses the bathroom beforehand so she can better relax, both mentally and physically.
Potential Past Trauma
If your partner does not feel comfortable talking to you about their sexual history perhaps suggesting they seek professional help and offer them whatever it is they may need to heal.
There are several psychological consequences of sexual trauma, which may inhibit receiving sexual pleasure. For a more in-depth look at psychological consequences from sexual trauma, check out this study from the National Online Resource Center On Violence Against Women
She is Stressed
What happens to your sex life when your partner is stressed? Stress takes a toll on your libido. Meaning the more stressed you are the more cortisol your body is creating the more it can suppress your sex hormones. So, stress can equal less sex. When women are stressed it can also mess around with their hormone levels and when hormone levels get out of whack it can cause a decreased interest in sex or sexually related activities.
She is Playing too Nice
Aka she is putting your pleasure before her own. Some women may be ignoring their own pleasure to make sure that all of your sexual needs are taken care of. A study conducted in Finland found that women typically put their partner’s pleasure ahead of their own. This study also found that men enjoy seeing their partner’s pleasure and watching them receive orgasms.
Sex isn’t going to cut it
More physical than psychological, or maybe not, but sometimes sex just isn’t going to cut it. Studies have shown that 4 out of 5 women do not orgasm from penetration alone. Here’s the short of it, it is time to stop thinking that sex is the end all be all when it comes to female pleasure – because it really isn’t. Women need more than sex. Check out this wicked read by Ian Kerner, She Comes First , it will definitely help spark some inspiration in the female pleasure department.
Post Sex Blues
Post sex blues also known as post coital depression is a real thing. Has your partner ever felt sad, guilty or just down post-sex? Post orgasm your partner might get post coital depression which is a biochemical reaction that impacts more women then you would think.
What causes this sadness? Typically, after an orgasm you will experience a drop in serotonin levels which in some women can cause a hormonal shift, leaving them feeling sad, depressed, irritable, restless or anxious.
She’s Concerned About How She Looks
Body shame or negative body image can really have a toll on a couple’s sex life. Maybe create an environment that makes her feel more comfortable, like having the room lit with candles that create a low soft glow, leaving her more comfortable and feeling sexy. When she’s feeling sexy and comfortable it is going to be much easier for her to let go and enjoy the ride.