The fish in the aquarium will grow to the size of the fish tank. When you put the fish in a bigger fish tank, they will grow bigger, into the greater space. I believe that also applies for people.
When I see people, I see them for who they are and for who they can become. I try to create the space for others to grow in how I see and listen to them. In Aikido, that’s what the late Mizukami Sensei did for me, that’s what Ishibashi Sensei does for me.
Since I was a little boy, I had the fear deep inside me that I’m not good enough. As an 8-year-old, Dad scared the hell out of me. I would never be good enough for Dad. I would never be good enough for anyone, especially me. For many years, I saw and listened to myself as I’m not good enough. I got good at collecting evidence that it was true, too. I’m not good enough was the lie that became truth.
I’ve trained in Aikido for 35 years with the late Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei. Mizukami Sensei was a father to me. He taught me what it is to be a good man: Be of service to others and make a difference. Sensei said, “Just train. It’s not like you have to get somewhere.” He generated the space for me to succeed, fail, and grow from both.
Ishibashi Sensei is my big brother, who said, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” When the 250-pound man attacks, I wait it out. I enter the attack and die with honor. I get in the distance and hold my position. I open up. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough over, and over, and over again. Although my fear inside never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear I let go more and more of my fear inside. I free myself and create space. I grow into my bigger fish tank.
I’m Godan (5th degree black belt), because of how the late Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei saw and listened to me. They saw and heard, who I was and who I could become. They gave me the bigger fish tank for me to grow into. They gave me the space to be the greatest that I can be. I’m forever grateful.
As in Aikido, I entered what I fear, my fear of Dad as a little boy in therapy with Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression. I forgave Dad for not knowing how to be a father, being afraid inside, and being imperfectly human. Dad did to me what his Dad had done to him. He didn’t know any better. I forgave myself for not being strong enough as a little boy to stand up to Dad and protect Mom. I forgive myself for being imperfectly human, too. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I create space to grow in my bigger fish tank.
In the climatic narrative arc of Writer and Director Chris Sanders’s animated The Wild Robot, robot Roz carries gosling Brightbill on her shoulder and outstretched arms. She runs with the geese that are flying on their winter migration. Roz raised the runt Brightbill to be the greatest that he can be. She gave him the bigger fish tank for him to grow into so that he was free to be the greatest he could be.
As Roz runs to the edge of the cliff, Brightbill flies into the open sky. He soars into the sunset with his flock. He looks back at Mom to say, “Thank you.” I cried in the movie theater. I got it.
I thank Mizukami Sensei, Ishibashi Sensei, and Lance Miller for who they saw and listened that I could become. They gave the bigger fish tank to grow into. I have a meaningful life, a life I love, because of them. To honor them, I see and listen to others as who they can become, out of my gratitude. I create the bigger fish tank for others to grow. Maybe, the world is all the greater for that.
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Photo: iStock
