I have a friend who desperately wants to find someone. She hates being single. Yet she won’t date.
I asked her a few months ago why she wasn’t putting herself out there.
“I need to lose weight,” she said. “When I’ve lost 30 pounds, I’ll date.”
I didn’t point out to her that she already weighed about 30 pounds less than I do, and yet I’m dating.
Why are women so hard on themselves?
Women seem to have this idea that unless they are physically perfect, no man will want them. Which isn’t true.
Fat women are loved. Women with small breasts, one breast or no breasts are loved. I would say that ugly women are loved, but I don’t want to call anyone ugly or have anyone put themselves down by calling themselves that.
Next time you think you can’t find love because of your body, you might think of Joni Eareckson Tada. When she was 17 years old, she fractured her spine and became a quadriplegic. She is paralyzed from the shoulders down. Yet she found love and married when she was in her 30s.
When you read her life story, you can understand why. This woman is amazing, an inspiration. She is a woman of faith and courage.
Because of her faith, she knew, no matter what she looked like or what challenges she faced, that God loved her.
There is a saying that beauty is just skin deep but ugly goes to the bone. Well, the flip side of this is also true — real beauty is much deeper than your surface appearance.
What makes someone truly beautiful? Maybe it’s the capacity to give and receive love. Maybe it’s an ability to relate on a deep level to others instead of a superficial one, to have compassion and understanding.
As you get to know people, your true nature will surface. Some people will not care, because some people really do care mostly about appearances. But they’re not the ones you want. You don’t need them.
You don’t need the love of multitudes. You just need one romantic partner to truly love and understand you. And you can find that even if you are not physically perfect.
Next time you are feeling down on yourself for the way you look — stop. Stop focusing on your outward beauty and cultivate your inner qualities. See what happens when you do.
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This post was previously published on Medium and is republished here with permission from the author.
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