It’s so easy to see what other people are doing wrong, isn’t it?
Especially the people we live with.
My goodness, it’s easy to zero in on the fact that they have a quick temper or that they’re a slob.
I mean, how hard is it to pick your underwear up off the bathroom floor or to close the kitchen cabinets?
And all it takes is a little bit of patience to listen and react with a calm tone, Bozo. What’s your problem, anyway?
Every single mistake, every single annoyance, right there in our faces, impossible to miss.
But are we as willing to see the things we’re doing wrong?
Are we willing to hold a mirror up to ourselves and when we inevitably recognize toxic traits or bad habits, are we willing to shine light on them and put the work into improving our own behavior?
The first step toward improving ourselves is acknowledging that we need to make a change. Voicing the unappetizing pieces of us.
And we all have them.
For instance, I have a bad temper, especially with my poor husband. I have been working on it for years, and still, it gets away from me way too often.
I was raised in a household where there was no communication other than raised voices and accusations when someone finally had enough.
There were no calm resolutions or honest but calm conversations.
So, as an adult, I was starting from scratch when it came to that type of communication.
But guess what? That doesn’t matter. I am an adult and have been for years, so though the house I was raised in explains some of the habits I am still working to improve, it is not a valid excuse to indulge myself in allowing them to continue.
Every single day, I make a conscious effort to stay calm. I make a conscious effort to own my own mistakes and verbalize them to the people who have to put up with them.
Each apology, each time you own your own behavior, you are building a bridge to a better you.
“Accept responsibility for your actions. Be accountable for your results. Take ownership for your mistakes.” — Unkown
Sometimes, I fail miserably. I act like a moron, and then I have to start all over again at square one.
I feel like I should have one of those signs they hang in factories and at construction sites: 0 days without an accident.
It is so much easier to overlook and forgive a mistake if the person who made it doesn’t make excuses and act as if they had the right to behave the way they did, though, isn’t it?
No one enjoys being around someone who always casts blame on the other person.
Very rarely is a bad situation a single person’s fault.
And your behavior, the way you choose to conduct yourself, is never anyone’s fault but your own.
Period.
If we all normalized looking ourselves in the face and being brutally honest about what we see, in ourselves, that is undesirable, I think the world might just be a better place to exist in.
None of us have control over someone else’s behavior, so it is honestly pointless to be on the lookout for the things we think they need to change.
Why not, instead, keep a close eye on yourself, to make sure you are being the type of person you can be proud of?
I know I see things in myself that I don’t like, and I am working hard to change those things.
I’ll leave changes other people need to make for them to worry about. 😉
Peace and love, y’all. ❤
© Melissa Gray 2023
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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