Best Ways to School Super Mean People

Some days I don’t understand why some people feel the need to be so mean to others. What thoughts are going through their mind?

Mean people, (let’s call them assholes) will lash out at others whenever they feel the urge. They lack inhibitory control.

The Washington Post has claimed that a continual world crisis that we are all enduring has been putting people more on edge.

Mean people are entitled to voice harsh and unwanted opinions at any time to anyone. (In their own mind!!)

I think the common theme is they are easily slighted.

Get their Starbucks drink wrong… look out. Make them wait for a moment…the nerve. Can we say ENTITLED one more time?

Photo by Alex Mihai C on Unsplash

I was once at Starbucks and the young barista, lovely and kind, couldn’t understand a pyjama-clad woman’s drink order. The woman who was in front of me mumbled the word “English…..” with a derogatory, racist overtone.

Well, those who know me, know I will say something when I see a racist attack like that, each and every time.

And did I ever… (guess it doesn’t help that my children are half Asian…) I was angry and sad for the barista. And I wondered how my children would have felt if they had heard that.

I’m getting angry all over again…

So how did I approach this situation?

I was wearing my hospital scrubs and ID so I had to maintain at least a little composure. I kept my response simple and direct.

Surprised that something so racially biased happened so offhandedly I told her what she said was racist and unacceptable and that she can’t say things like that.

I also told her the barista deserves an apology. And I left it at that.

Simple, very direct and to the point.

I noticed her extending an apology a few moments later to one of the other baristas with a lame excuse.

Hopefully, by shaming her as I did, she’ll think twice before behaving that way again.

This, of course, is only one of many situations we see all day every day. Is it just me or are we humans getting worse!

My guess is if you’re reading this then you’ve had your fair share of volatile outbursts from shitty people, and my guess is that you probably didn’t instigate this shitty behaviour.

You’re probably a star in a dim world of miserable people. Lately, I’ve been feeling like that myself more and more.

So how do we respond to someone who has spewed verbal vomit on us?

How do we respond to people who believe they can treat you or me like a floor mat? How do we respond to someone who will stomp their muddy boots on, then turn on their heel, beaming proudly for setting yet one more ‘idiot’ straight. The idiot being…you know…us.

A large part of why people are rude can be contributed to a Freudian term known as Classical Projection. Someone who thinks negative thoughts often will project those thoughts onto others. One example is jumping to the defensive and misinterpreting someone’s intentions.

Downward Comparison is another term explaining the need for someone who projects their own emotions re: being ‘insulted or belittled’ to feel better about themselves and ‘restore’ self-esteem’.

I can see how these theories could explain someone’s unprovoked outburst. Maybe understanding some sort of reasoning behind aggressive behaviour can make it a little easier to tolerate. I know I need to practice this myself!

An article in Psychology Today explains that remaining polite and civil during a verbal attack carries a sense of security. I can speak with experience that this is true. By rising above someone’s rude actions, you’re holding onto your self-esteem and not lowering to their level.

Photo by Randalyn Hill on Unsplash

Responses:

Thank you for your input.

Your antagonist won’t know how to respond to this. They’ll probably just turn and walk away.

I’m not sure how to respond to that?

This is one of my favourite responses. It confuses the emotionally abrupt person… which is exactly what we want to do.

I’m sorry, can you repeat that, please?

I’ll bet they don’t!

I’m uncomfortable with the way you’re speaking to me. / This conversation is making me uncomfortable.

I find the moment you use the word uncomfortable, your antagonist may reconsider. The word uncomfortable has a hidden innuendo which whispers ‘human resources.

I’m uncomfortable with the way this conversation is going, perhaps we can pick this up later when there’s less hostility / heated emotion.

They’ll probably deny hostility at this exact moment as if on cue. So what you’ll need to do is repeat “Again… I’m uncomfortable with the way this conversation is going, and I’m walking away. We’ll discuss this later when you stop raising your voice. And yes… walk away.

I’m not here to be spoken to in this manner.

We’re really not. No matter where we are, we’re not present for someone else to project their issues onto us.

If you have concerns with my performance, I’m more than happy to meet with management to discuss them further.

Again… they probably don’t want to involve management in their misery. Chances are this response will end their tirade immediately.

The words you just used are pretty hurtful/offensive, I’m sure you didn’t mean it, but that’s how it’s coming across.

Siding with your adversary can actually reel them in a little.

I respect you as a manager, and I respect my job, but if you have an issue with my performance I also have the expectation to be approached with professionalism.

Boom. Your manager will be speechless, mind you this can either gain much due respect, or it can cost you your job, but do you really want to work for this person?

I expect to be spoken to with the same respect I award you.

Being treated with respect, regardless of where you are is a minimal expectation. If you’re respectful to someone and they respond otherwise… it’s time to have a conversation.

What you just said is very inappropriate and unacceptable.

This is best for a stranger who is just being you know…an asshole.

You seem upset. Perhaps we should sit down and have a conversation about this?

Of course, they’ll probably decline with more rudeness in which case you can further respond with, “Well again… you seem upset and I would rather not be spoken to this way. If you like we can have a reasonable conversation.”

I am sorry you feel that way, but I am just doing my job. If I don’t follow these rules I could lose my job.

Working in customer service can sometimes suck. Enough said.

You’re being rude and I won’t be spoken to this way.

Then simply… WALK AWAY.

And my favourite response of all time…

I’m sorry, we don’t like propaganda.

You say this when someone tries to shove pamphlet conspiracy garbage at you when you’re sick and tired of this conspiracy shit and you’re simply trying to catch the train to go to work. (…just random of course!)

Regardless of the scenario, I hope you have found some useful responses to some very useless rude comments.

I’ve decided to take a stand these days. People are more miserable now than ever before and it’s time they just keep that miserableness to themselves!

If you liked reading my work then feel free to hit subscribe to receive every article I write in your inbox!

And… if you want unlimited access to all stories on Medium without that pesky 3 story limit, then sign up for a subscription at $5.00 / month under my link. Right here! With this membership, you will not only support my caffeine addiction but you will have access to funny, serious, inspirational and downright informative stories written by independent writers every day.

—

This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything

—

Photo credit: iStock.com