“I am a total package. Seriously, why am I still single?”
This was a seemingly reasonable question I overheard the other night. But to truly appreciate its gravity, let me set the scene.
Meatpacking district in Manhattan, which is like its own planet where only beautiful people are allowed to live. The restaurant where this question was posed is the pinnacle of that planet: statuesque Amazon models in dizzyingly high heels and gravity defying mini-skirts sipping colorful cocktails named after beautiful celebrities. Next to the Amazons are financiers, doctors and lawyers in their finest Zegna suits and shiny Manolos. The suits are doing their best to chat up the skirts while appearing only vaguely interested. The skirts, in turn are shooting melancholy looks at the suits through half raised foot-long eyelashes. Both sides pretend to be only slightly interested, yet the conversation and the gin flow freely and, at least outwardly, effortlessly.
None of those people was pondering the dilemma of loneliness, except for the Total Package at the table next to me. He was in his late forties with a noticeably protruding belly and quickly disappearing hairline. He was sporting a pair of khakis with a checkered dress shirt. Inside the pocket of the shirt was a blackberry.
It’s not that he wasn’t interested; the whole time he was speaking his eyes did not stop shifting from one Amazon to the next. Unfortunately, he never approached them, choosing instead to unburden his sorrows on his married friend (the wedding band gave it away), who, in turn, was trying very hard to concentrate on the Total Package instead of legs and boobs.
So why is this Total Package single? I am about to get brutally honest. So those of you that are easily offended, please skip to the end of this article. He is single BECAUSE HE HAS NO GAME!
Yes, it’s that simple.
There is no lack of women in New York. There is no lack of women in New York who would be happy to date him. Unfortunately, Total Package is not doing anything to make it happen.
To begin with, he is spending his Friday night in one of the trendiest places in New York. Instead of taking advantage of the atmosphere, he chooses to spend his evening separated from the world at a table for two…. Reality is that unless you’re George Clooney, women will not be making an effort to make their way from the bar to your table. To begin with, YOU have to make yourself available.
And then there is C.I.A. No, I’m not talking about the Central Intelligence Agency. I am talking about the three essential qualities that all men must possess in order to attract women.
If you’re a janitor or a CEO, regardless of how you look or what you do for a living, learn to enter and hold the room with CONFIDENCE. Learn to own whatever it is that you do, and be the best at it.
If you are a janitor, be the best-dressed janitor. If you are an accountant, be the coolest and the hippest accountant. But just be the best you, and believe in it.
I know confidence does not come easy to many men, but trust me when I tell you that it’s the single most important quality to have if you wish to attract a woman. Women smell, feel, and sense a lack of confidence. It repels them more than garlic vampires (bad breath repels women as well, but I digress).
Learn to master your own authentic confidence (not just faking it) if you have any hope of attracting the woman of your dreams.
Be careful, however, not to turn confidence into arrogance. While confidence is an aphrodisiac, arrogance is a major turn off.
I’m not referring to obvious financial independence. (Let’s face it gentlemen, you need to have at least some money to go out on dates. That goes without saying.)
I’m talking about a different kind of independence though. To attract women, you must develop total independence from them. Sound confusing? It’s not really.
Just tell yourself that no matter how good looking, intelligent, or witty the girl is, if she’s not into you, you’ll find someone who is. Knowing that will keep you from appearing needy, clingy or desperate. A woman’s attention and approval is nice, but don’t need it.
Remember, we all want things we cannot have. Appear anxious or trying too hard and you automatically beg the question, “What’s wrong with him?”
While men are visual creatures, women are more auditory. Yes, shocker: men and women are physically different.
A study, completed in December 2013, reveals that women have a higher auditory and emotional response in social situations. So we will not necessarily notice your protruding ears or less-than-stellar abs.
However, the one thing women notice is your overall appearance. If you look like you don’t care, why should she? You may only be able to afford one suit, but make sure it is a quality suit. And more importantly, your clothes have to fit your body type.
Today, most major stores perform alterations and there is always a tailor in your neighborhood. Whatever you do, make sure your clothes fit you like a glove.
Not sure how to dress? Engage the services of a sales person in the men’s department. That’s why they are there. They love sharing their expertise and will be happy to dress you head to toe. Remember, women will notice and remember the way you look. So make sure you always look good enough to meet the love of your life.
To be sure, C.I.A. is not something that comes naturally to many men. In my matchmaking practice, we spend many hours coaching some men before ever introducing them to women. But it’s a necessary skill and, once acquired, the one that will stay and serve you well. And let’s face it, without it, you will continue to spend your Friday nights with a buddy, wondering why you’re still single.
Photo: Getty Images
This piece appears courtesy of Wingman Magazine and the author.