Running has caused me to follow many women I don’t know. Is there a right way or a wrong way to run behind a woman on an empty street?
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This article at the Huffington Post describes the very real fear that women feel when moving through the world. Specifically, the writer is talking about running. While the man in question in the article is definitely being creepy by following her, the line can sometimes get blurry.
My running routes take me through neighborhoods, busy streets, and a local park. Due to factors such as bicycle lanes, sidewalks, and available shade, some of these routes are pretty popular with other runners.
A few days ago, I turned onto a street that is a straight half-mile to the bayou where I planned to hang a left and continue on my run. I turned onto the street and found myself about a block behind a young woman running. She had headphones in so she probably couldn’t hear me behind her. Also, she was running slightly slower (less than 30 seconds per mile) than I, so I was going to be behind her for probably the entire half-mile, slowly gaining ground on her for the next four minutes.
Obviously, I wasn’t following her; it was merely a coincidence I ended up behind her on that stretch of sidewalk. Here’s the thing: She had no way of knowing that.
On crowded park paths with plenty of other runners, walkers, and such, I don’t think too much of it. But, when I find myself effectively pursuing a woman through an empty neighborhood, I start to think about ways to make sure I’m not being creepy or threatening. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I would hate to contribute to another person feeling less safe in the world. I start to consider my options: I could slow down to create more distance between us, but I’d still be behind her and possibly for longer. I could speed up, but then I’d be rushing towards her, which I’m pretty sure isn’t any better. Granted, this was during the day, but my city isn’t very kind to ladies day or night. For that matter, nowhere in the world is very kind to ladies.
I should mention that the woman was white, and I’m black. Depending on her personal prejudices, that might be irrelevant, but it would be silly to pretend society isn’t afraid of young black guys. Especially the six-foot tall ones. As she scanned left and right at an intersection, she noticed me approaching. She didn’t seem concerned, and I’m possibly overplaying my own threatening stature (no one looks very scary in 3-inch inseam shorts and turquoise shoes). However, I crossed over to the other side of the street and sped up. I passed her a minute or two later. She smiled between ragged breaths, and it’s very likely that she thought nothing of the runner approaching her.
Interactions like this aren’t rare. Only I know what my intentions are — try to hold a certain pace for a certain distance and dodge horrible drivers who feel entitled to the bicycle lane. That’s the root of the idea of Schrodinger’s Rapist.
What do y’all think? Which is least creepy: Speeding up, slowing down, or maintaining the same speed? Smiling, waving, avoiding eye contact completely?
Photo: Flickr/ Pedro
I really respect the writer of this article. As a woman who has had several safety scares, the fact that he is thinking this way means a lot to me personally. I honestly don’t know what I would recommend a man do to not scare a woman while running up behind her. What I do know is that as a woman who now has a child who I sometimes have with me in my running stroller, I take my safety while running a lot more seriously than my single days. As a matter of fact, I had a safety scare… Read more »
The stats say that you’re the one more likely to be assaulted by a stranger in general, so perhaps you should be a little more paranoid, instead of her.
here’s an interesting aside, there’s a running track just near my house that runs through a bush like area that i often run around. When i’m running, i’ll always acknowledge people running the other direction, but if i’m running on my own, women will never ever respond. If i’m running with my wife, they’ll always smile and say hello.
As a runner myself who is frequently followed or passed by other runners on the trails, in the park or on the streets in my neighborhood, I suggest that when you approach someone from behind you simply and loudly right to be heard, just say, “coming up behind you,” or “on your right/left.” Then give the person a chance to move to one side. Don’t be surprised if they move in the opposite direction to what you expect. Fir this reason, I usually hold my hand up, palm flat to protect myself from getting stepped on. This is how I… Read more »
As my wife and I were walking yesterday at a wildlife refuge well attended by birders and joggers three women in their late 50s barrelled into us from a side trail. They said hi to my wife and ignored me completely. I could think I was too scary, or I could think they were just kind of rude.
As men, we are all judged on personal basis by actions we have not yet performed.
And there is no way to prove a negative, so short of refraining from any sort of human interaction, there’s really not that much we can do.
Try not to think about it. After all, if she’s running two blocks ahead of you with headphones, she hasn’t probably even noticed you…
As she scanned left and right at an intersection, she noticed me approaching. She didn’t seem concerned, and I’m possibly overplaying my own threatening stature (no one looks very scary in 3-inch inseam shorts and turquoise shoes) as you wondered, i think youre overthinking this (is this because a majority of people reacted like you were a criminal, when they saw you were running behind them?). i would have maintained my speed. i dont think you should have crossed the road – youre a runner too. you were wearing athletic gear eg running shoes, proper athletic shorts(maybe even split shorts),… Read more »
The key word, IMHO, is public. Public space in the public realm. This would be a non-issue of the streets were full of people. “Empty neighbourhood”? Can it be a neighbourhood if it is ’empty’? Look at the writings of Jane Jacobs, I’m thinking of ‘The Death and Life of American Cities’. Imagine a street full of people, children, old people, pavement cafes, people chatting, mums with prams. Now picture yourself weaving through all of that. Actually it’s difficult to run through all of that… but that’s another issue…
i wonder if the women running wonder how they can look less like they might be frightened by someone running behind them?
I’d wonder how many black guys are wondering even more, and with greater cause for concern, if there is anything they can do so they might not have to be frightened someone isn’t going to stop them as suspicious or shoot them simply for being black.
Women DO wonder how they can look less frightened. I’ve been in a number of situations where I knew that acting tougher than I felt might mean the difference between getting home safely or not. When I’m alone in public I look people In the eye, stand up tall and am aware of my surroundings. It’s just part of the reality of being a woman. (not just in this country, this culture, this time but anywhere, anytime)
Wise advice for anyone out and about actually, not just women.
“Nothing screams creep louder than someone trying not to be creepy.” Well that explains everything. Maybe I should just embrace my inner creepiness.
I agree with John and Graham. It’s nice that you’re thinking about people other than yourself and how your presence affects them but this is a little over the top. Run, enjoy your run – just don’t be an active dick and you’ll be fine.
I think as mature considerate human beings we go out of our way to consider our impact on other people. This, jogging man’s impact on jogging woman, is just one example. It’s not taking on more responsibility than that which you can do something about as you. So make eye contact with a nod or smile or wave, jog on the other side of the street,etc. Others have given suggestions already. I’m a woman and I appreciate when it’s done to me and I do them myself. I still enjoy my run and I enjoy it more when I’ve engaged… Read more »
I agree with Graham. Enjoy your run. You aren’t responsible for someone elses fear.
I also agree a nod and saying “morning” will go a long way to ease her tension if indeed she has any at all. She is a person, treat her like a person and not a bunch or imagined fears and worries.
Nothing screams creep louder than someone trying not to be creepy.
Christian, you asked, which is least creepy. Simple answer: You enjoy your run. As you pass by her, you don’t run into her. Maybe, if you want to extend a friendly greeting to a fellow runner, as you pass make eye contact and extend a pleasant “Good morning.” That is an example of one healthy response. I’m reminded of two quotations, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt “What You Think of Me is None of My Business,” the title of a book by Terry Cole-Whittaker That you should feel a need to behave… Read more »
Great article. I run in trails most of the time and go out of my way to ensure women know I am there, so I don’t surprise them. Compassion and some maturity are key here. Regardless, I inadvertently scared the crap out of a woman once, who was with a female friend, on a busy wide trail that was slightly sloping downhill. I was running fast at the end of a run and she almost had a heart attack. I said sorry as I continued my run and her friend said with a quizzical look on her face “are you… Read more »
As a teen, I used to runs round the reservoir where there were lots of runners going in both directions…it never bothered me if someone ran up behind me or past me….it only bothered me if they made inappropriate comments or if they stopped and stared or if it was a flasher along the horse path…
Now I always run with someone if outside…or at the gym on treadmill…I am just tired of the honking and the guys leaning out their trucks and yelling stuff in another language…
Wow, indirect racial comment there….. And what language is that?
So Leia is not allowed to mention the language the men where using without it being a “racial comment”? I also feel like you are baiting her since your follow up question asks her what language it was even though you clearly have a problem with her mentioning them speaking a different language. Tom, did you not notice that Lela clearly has experience with being harassed by men? She actually sounded really objective to me about the whole thing. The fact is, she, and a lot of women, experience that kind of harassment ALOT. Why is it that you couldn’t… Read more »
It’s not that hard. Overall avoidance is the best route. Like John said, just run in the other direction. I’m beginning to find that anything but avoidance will land you in the creepy category immediately. Thanks GMP for brushing me up on the importance of body language. This isn’t a problem for me, although sometimes avoidance is not even enough. You can only do so much.
I think when women interpret a man’s everyday actions even when they do not concern her directly as creepy, the problem is with them and not with you. Your have just as much right to utilize and enjoy public space as she. If you want to accommodate her irrational fears, I’m not going to tell you otherwise. It’s your life as long as you’re not saying that anyone else should. IMO once it starts negatively impacting your use and enjoyment, you’ve created an underclass of people, it’s just you in the underclass now so I don’t see how that makes… Read more »
It’s possible you’re missing the point? A woman running on the street has no way of knowing if the actions of the man behind her “concern her directly” — a dude running the same route as me two blocks behind me looks exactly the same as a dude chasing me. Did you actually read the article, or did you just see the headline and jump straight into bitching about it? I ask because this seems pretty straightforward to me: “Obviously, I wasn’t following her; it was merely a coincidence I ended up behind her on that stretch of sidewalk. Here’s… Read more »
@ Mary “EXTREMELY RATIONAL concern over a man’s intentions” Because most men going in the same direction as you must have nefarious intentions sounds completely reasonable. That was sarcasm in case you didn’t realize. I read the article and completely understood the point. I didn’t agree with it to an extent. It seems though that you didn’t take the time to either read to understand my comment. If any man wants to live his life in fear of unintentionally making an irrational woman uncomfortable that’s his business and he’s completely entitled to that. When you’re in line and the line… Read more »
Well said.
i’ve got to say Mary, you must lead a very scared life if you believe it’s rational to fear every man that has the misfortune to come across your path.
Do you fear the male relatives in your life the same way?