In today’s dating scene, it can be difficult drawing the line between being flirtatious and being creepy. Mainly because what works well for one person may come off as inappropriate, needy, or even aggressive for another. And you don’t know until you play your hand, putting your cards out for all to see.
Today‘s Twitter drama centered around a pre-first date text conversation where the man asked his prospective date to get a sneak-peak picture of her while tanning outside. Note—they were to meet for the first time that very evening:
As usual, this tweet caused quite a storm, eliciting comments and explanations from both men and women on who was right or wrong, if he should have “known better” or she should have “chosen better,” etc. It’s Twitter, after all, so the conversation never ends, and the final victor is never decided.
On one side, both men and women were calling him impolite, rude, and even a creep. On the other, there were, again, both men and women, who saw his behavior as perfectly flirtatious in this day and age, and her response a bit extreme.
In my opinion, one of the disadvantages of today’s dating scene is that it’s very difficult to know how your prospective date will react or even what they want.
It’s easiest to suggest that we all take the conservative route and behave traditionally. But I’m not sure that gets the best results. Many women quickly realize that if they save sexuality for marriage, the kind, fun gentleman they are dating will run out of patience and move on. And many men understand, after shelling out $1000s on first dates, that unless they make their intentions known up front, they are heading straight for the friend zone and wasting their time.
Another common pitfall is that today we are unsure about our prospective date’s intentions from the get-go. I’ve chatted with women who go out on dates having no intention of looking for a partner, lover, or spouse. It’s more of a fun thing to do to meet new people and have a good time. This leaves men in a lurch and trying to vet before getting in the car. Same for women, many of whom are not interested in a one-night stand, which may be all he’s interested in.
So it’s awkward. Messages are sent, words exchanged, and signals given that may fall flat or even offend. But they may also save hours of time and hundreds of dollars. They may even save from a broken heart.
When signals are crossed or misaligned, it’s a great opportunity to accuse others or yourself of “failure.” But is it? Or is it a symptom of the dating situation we find ourselves in, with no easy answers that overcome the obstacles we both face? Yes, it’s ugly when we inadvertently offend before getting to the restaurant. But at the same time, sometimes it’s better to discern who we are meeting, why they want to meet, and what their intentions are before we both waste our time or worse.
And ultimately, that’s what happened here. He crassly stuck his neck out, and she rebuffed. No harm, no foul. Just another day in the search for true love.
May Gd bring us all our soulmates with ease, joy, and clarity, avoiding all the trials, tests, and turmoil of modern dating!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
