I think we’ve all yelled at inanimate objects in our lives. I get furious with my smartphone. I’ll click something, and it’ll load the page, right? Then I’ll see something on the new page that I want to click on, but it’s not finished loading. So right as I try to click on the new thing, the page will shift up or down and I end up clicking on an ad or something else. It’ll take like 20 whole second to load the wrong page and I’ll go “WTF! Is that what I said to do!? Literally nobody said that! F***ing DO the thing that you’re SUPPOSED to do!”
Of course I realize that this anger is coming from a deeper place. Perhaps it’s my frustration with the fact that I don’t make enough money to buy a faster phone. Maybe it’s that I have to make money at all. Maybe it has to do with the despair that comes from asking your mother “What are your plans for retirement?” and getting “Work until I die,” as an answer.
While I’d love to tell you all about my sad life, I want to talk more generally about why people yell at things. Bear with me here. It goes right to the heart of why so many men are unable to tolerate the anger of women. (You think you know where I’m going, but you don’t. I’m gonna pull a Shyamalan on you. Watch.)
Why do we get mad at objects?
Objects are great because they give without asking anything in return. You don’t have to ask your blender nicely to make your smoothie for you. Just grab it, fill it, turn it on, and toss it in the dishwasher without ever thinking about it again. It has a purpose and it performs that purpose for you whenever you want it to. If it doesn’t fulfill its purpose, you have what seems like a legitimate reason to be angry. “I paid good money for this blender! It’d better make smoothies when I tell it to! Who does it think it is?” If it’s not doing what the manufacturer said it would do, we feel cheated. Someone, somewhere along the line, didn’t fulfill their purpose.
It’s always easier to be mad at machines than people because machines can’t have any excuses, and, what’s more, we own the machines. You are a human being and you have rights. The machine does not.
The best is always when you realize, after all your raging over the telephone at the manufacturer, that you never plugged in the machine.
You gotta be smarter than the machine, bruv.
What the machine is telling you is that you’re not paying enough attention.
I had a boss that got mad at me the way I get mad at machines. What was really bad was that he didn’t get mad at me when I made mistakes. He could understand that I was new, and that I was human. What he couldn’t stand was when I would tell him something he didn’t already know. He would be outraged if I came back to tell him that the ingredients he told me to get weren’t where he told me they were. It was like I was calling him a liar. But if you really wanted to get him mad, you point out the way he’s making your job impossible.
“Go make bread.”
“Okay.”
Literally two minutes later: “Stop making bread. Go skewer chicken instead.”
“Okay.”
Literally two minutes after that: “Why aren’t you finished with the bread!?”
“You told me to stop making bread and skewer chicken so…”
He looks at me like I’ve just spit in his soup. “Well go finish the bread then and quit being a smart ass!”
You gotta be smarter than the machine…
What does all this have to do with angry women? Ahaaa… now that you see what illegitimate anger looks like, and what’s behind it, let’s talk about legitimate anger.
If you touch a woman in a way she doesn’t want to be touched, it doesn’t matter what you thought she wanted, her anger is legitimate. If you say something nasty to or about her, if you offer her a raw deal, she has every right to be pissed.
Unfortunately, when women speak out against abuse, either to the abuser or to others, men act as if their washing machine just spit their clothes out. Essentially, what these men are saying is
I am a person and you are a thing.
I am entitled to you doing what I want you to do.
I can use you any way I want.
I do not have to empathize with you.
Bruv, have you seen Ex Machina? This is one machine you are not going to outsmart.
Does anybody remember the four main points of Kavanaugh’s testimony at his confirmation hearing?
I like beer.
I like beer.
I like to party.
I like beer.
You were wondering what he was talking about. The previous list is my translation of them, free of charge, into plain English. You’re welcome.
I’m not really talking to the Brett Kavanaugh’s of the world. I’m talking to his drinking buddies, PJ and Squee, and anyone else that’s knows a BK or a version of him. Stop backing these dudes up. Every time you sweep this kind of stuff under the rug you are pulling the wool over your daughter’s eyes.
These kind of men only listen to people they consider equals. The only thing that’s going to stop this kind of behavior, other than prison, is you telling you friend or your brother:
You are a fool and she is a person.
You are not entitled to even look at her.
You can use this foot up your… however you want. [Lisa or Editor, if you don’t approve of this one, I suggest: “You can use this information to better yourself.”]
You must empathize with this person enough to hear what she has to say, at least.
There’s one more reason why abusive men can’t stand being called out. They can’t bear to think about what it means about them. Somewhere in the depths of even Brett Kavanaugh’s heart is a conscience. At some level, they know what it is to violate someone and to be violated. They can’t stand to think that that ugliness is what they are.
So if you’re listening, BK, I’m here to tell you: It’s not what you are. Maybe your peers pushed you in the wrong direction growing up. Some men mistake women’s signals for what they want them to mean. You might have even done what you did more out of malice than foolishness. Whatever the case may be, I believe that you were born with a perfect heart. No matter what you do, that heart is worthy of love, if you are willing to give love, and to face its truth. So the way that you prove to yourself and to others that you are better than that, is to:
Be quiet and listen when a woman is telling you that something you did violated her.
Apologize, no matter how much you disagree with her evaluation of your intentions or the meaning of your actions.
Think sincerely about where things went wrong, and admit to yourself, then to another human being, where you were ignorant, selfish, aggressive and malicious.
Be humble going forward. Respect frail little women the way you would respect a 6’4” Navy Seal. Be careful and always check before you act.
Being a real man is not about getting what you want when you want it brother. Real strength, real power is in looking inwards to do this kind of work. Reach out for help man. You know who the good men are around you. Reach out to them and learn man.
I will you all the best on your journey.
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Photo from Pixabay
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You may also like by Michael Jones:
Smokescreens
Zeal
Gaslighting: How Narcissists Manipulate Your Thoughts
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