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Reluctant Dad
Tony Pitt, Essex, United Kingdom
From DADLY Dads: Parent of the 21st Century Copyright © 2018 Motivational Press. Reprinted with permission. By Hogan Hilling and Austin Dowd.
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I’m a dad to Olivia and George, husband and a serving soldier. I struggle to meet the expectations of what being a good husband and father should be and work hard to be the best dad and husband I can be.
I began the blog Disillusioned Dad as a cathartic way to deal with the depression and stress that resulted from fatherhood. Over time, and with a shift in perspective, I evolved into Papa Tont; no longer depressed, but still stressed, and managing with life a whole lot better.
I’m kept extremely busy working full time managing a team of analysts in the British Army’s Intelligence Corps, so when work is done I primarily try to spend as much of my time as possible with the kids. When I’m able, I like to go to the seaside to hear the therapeutic crash of the waves for some me time or beat stress into submission in the gym.
Quote.
Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough. – Wilhelm Busch
What I do well as a dad.
I am good at putting myself in my kids’ shoes. I try to view the world through their eyes and understand why they are doing what they do and saying what they say. Once I have this perspective, it makes me empathize with them and consequently better at reacting and dealing with any situation.
What I learned from another dad.
I learned that always saving my children from hardship, hurt, and difficulty does more harm than good. They began to be utterly reliant on me to help them without even trying, and they began to be oversensitive to emotion. Learning to let them fail, accept that failure, and then coaching them to learn lessons from it has brought them on leaps and bounds.
Lesson learned from my child.
My son taught me that a child’s resolve and tenacity knows no bounds when given the right amount of support and encouragement. Taking off the metaphorical reigns and letting him go it alone was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but he overcomes physical and mental limitations due to his age with a determination I have never seen before.
My daughter has taught me an unconditional love that I have never experienced before. It’s no better or worse than my love for my parents, siblings, or spouse; it’s just different, powerful and all-encompassing.
Successful fatherhood moment.
After my wife was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, I had no idea how I was going to cope logistically and mentally to make up for what my wife couldn’t provide as a parent. Despite the additional challenges, the day came when I managed to find the right work and life balance for our family. I felt proud to discover abilities I thought I never had as a parent.
Dad I admire.
The one dad I admire the most is a man named Tim Liew. He is a fellow blogger and father to three kids. He works full time in a demanding role for one of the country’s best R&D companies, runs three very successful blogs, and still finds time to be an utterly devoted husband and father.
He is always positive, enthusiastic, and willing to spare any time he has left help and motivating others. I have no idea how he does it and is a shining example of how I would like to be. He blogs at www.slouchingtowardsthatcham.com.
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Originally published in DADLY Dads: Parent of the 21st Century Copyright © 2018 Motivational Press. Reprinted with permission.
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Photos courtesy of the author.
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