I can still hear my aunt’s cackle after she felt she had satisfactorily explained why I should not cry on my wedding day. She said in her shrill, annoying voice, “If you dare cry, don’t say I did not warn you!”
I watched a lot of Disney animations growing up, and to me, she sounded like the evil witch in each of them.
She emphasized it did not matter whether they were tears of joy or tears of overwhelm. In our African culture, tales are told of people who cry on the day they say “I do”.
One such tale is of a paternal aunt whose marriage ended in divorce after eight years of marriage. She had cried and cried tears of overwhelming joy and gratitude on her wedding day. What they neglect to mention are the multiple cases of infidelity by her partner that led to her marital demise.
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Confronting the Proclamation
I am not a crier. But it did not sit right with me that I was “not allowed” to express whatever authentic emotions I might feel on my special day.
Instead of passively succumbing to my aunt’s proclamation, I decided to confront it head-on.
I researched the stories of failed marriages in my family, seeking the truth behind the tears. I spoke to my aunt, probing for deeper insights and questioning the validity of her claims.
Through my investigation, I discovered a pattern.
Many of the marriages that ended in divorce had been built on shaky foundations, riddled with issues long before the wedding day.
The tears were not the cause of the failure; they were merely a symptom, a manifestation of the underlying problems.
I am still baffled why she would feel the need to be a prophetess of doom. Nobody likes those. Even in the Bible, God would punish them after sending them to share their message of doom with His people.
Anyway, armed with this knowledge, I shifted my focus from avoiding tears to strengthening the foundation of my relationship.
I addressed my anxieties with my fiancé, fostered open communication, and actively worked on building a strong emotional bond.
On the wedding day, when the familiar fear started to creep in, I remembered my aunt’s words, not with dread, but with defiance.
I refused to let an unfounded proclamation dictate my future.
I took a deep breath, released the tension, and walked down the aisle with a heart full of love and hope, ready to write my own story, unburdened by the weight of superstitions.
I unapologetically felt and expressed all my emotions in whatever way felt most natural in that fleeting moment.
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The Power of Vulnerability
Instead of suppressing my emotions all through the period leading up to my wedding day, I decided to embrace them.
I realized expressing emotion was not a weakness, but a sign of my vulnerability, a testament to the depth of my love and commitment to my husbae-to-be.
I allowed myself to feel the full spectrum of emotions, from the joyous anticipation to the pre-wedding jitters. I confided in my close friends and family, seeking their support and understanding.
On the wedding day, I let my emotions flow freely. I laughed, I celebrated, I danced, I loved, and I embraced the chaos of the day. If there were any tears, they were not something to be ashamed of; they were a part of me, a part of my story.
And in that vulnerability, I found strength.
I realized that by accepting all my emotions, I wasn’t setting myself up for failure, but for a deeper, more fulfilling relationship.
I discovered that true love thrives on authenticity, not on the facade of perfection.
My wedding day wasn’t just a celebration of love; it was a celebration of my own vulnerability.
It was the day I embraced my true self, flaws and all, and stepped into marriage with an open heart and a genuine spirit.
It was the day I rewrote the narrative, proving that tears, even on your wedding day, are not an omen of failure, but a testament to the strength and courage it takes to love and be loved in all your vulnerability.
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A Few Months Later and my Aunt’s Revelation
Several months after my wedding, I received an unexpected visit from my aunt. A quiet demeanor, and a hint of regret lingered in her eyes replaced her usual boisterousness.
“I need to speak with you,” she confessed, her voice barely a whisper.
As we sat down, she began to unravel the story behind her words on my wedding day. It wasn’t a prophecy, she revealed, but a projection of her own fears.
Her own marriage had failed, leaving her scarred and cynical.
She had seen her own anxieties reflected in my pre-wedding jitters and, instead of offering support, had projected her own narrative onto my future.
Tears welled up in her eyes as she apologized for the burden she had unknowingly placed on me. She confessed that her words had been rooted in fear, not wisdom. She had allowed her own past experiences to cloud her judgment and cast a shadow on my happiness.
With a trembling voice, she expressed her genuine hope for my marriage.
She wished for me to experience the love and joy that had eluded her. She assured me that tears were not a sign of misfortune, but simply a reflection of the emotions that come with embarking on a new chapter in life.
In that moment, I saw my aunt not as a bearer of ominous proclamations, but as a vulnerable woman burdened by her own past.
She no longer sounded like the evil witches from my favorite Disney animations. She sounded more like a loving mother.
I felt a wave of compassion wash over me, replacing the resentment I had harbored.
We talked for hours that day, sharing our stories, our fears, and our hopes for the future. It was a conversation that broke down walls and fostered a deeper understanding between us.
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We should always remember to be kind
My aunt’s revelation not only freed me from the weight of her proclamation, but also allowed me to see her in a new light.
It reminded me of the importance of vulnerability and open communication in any relationship.
It taught me that even those closest to us can be harboring unseen struggles, and that genuine connection often requires us to see beyond their outward facade and acknowledge the human beings beneath.
From that day forward, my relationship with my aunt blossomed.
We have built a bond based on honesty and understanding, and the tears on my wedding day became a symbol of our shared vulnerability, a reminder that even the most well-intentioned words can be rooted in fear, and that true connection requires the courage to see beyond the surface.
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What Next for the One Who Fears The Tears?
Some Tips for Brides-to-Be (or even husbands-to-be) Who Fear Tears on Their Wedding Day
Reframe the Narrative
Don’t view tears as a sign of weakness or bad luck. Recognize them as a natural expression of the powerful emotions you’ll likely experience on your wedding day.
Embrace All Your Emotions
Allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions, not just joy.
Bottling up sadness, anxiety, or overwhelm can hinder genuine connection and later surface in detrimental ways.
Communicate with Your Partner
Talking to my partner was actually the most helpful thing I did. He reminded me that the two of us are responsible for our relationship by our actions and expressions of emotions towards each other.
Dear bride-to-be, discuss your anxieties about crying with your partner beforehand.
Share your feelings and concerns, and work together to create a safe and supportive environment for expressing emotions on your wedding day.
Lean on Your Support System
Surround yourself with bridesmaids, family, and friends who understand your emotions and will offer non-judgmental support.
Their presence and acceptance can create a sense of comfort and security on your big day.
Focus on the Moment
Be present in the moment and savor each emotion as it arises. Don’t dwell on the fear of crying or try to control your reactions.
Allow yourself to fully experience your wedding day, tears and all.
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My Final Thoughts
Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment.
Don’t let the fear of crying overshadow the joy and significance of the occasion.
Embrace your emotions, communicate honestly, and lean on your support system.
By doing so, you can create a truly authentic and memorable wedding experience.
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Your Thoughts, If You Please
I would love to hear about your own experiences, thoughts, biases, etc, about crying on one’s wedding day.
Please share your thoughts in the comments section!
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Thank you for reading.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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