We are often surprised when we see two people who had a bad first impression of each other and couldn’t stand each other’s presence, constantly criticizing and disliking each other, suddenly falling in love.
We wonder and even envy why these “enemies” can reconcile and fall in love, while our own love season seems never to arrive.
This phenomenon is known in psychology as the “mere exposure effect.”
It often occurs in young people who are less experienced in relationships.
Starting with mutual “dislike,” the two people always view each other with a critical and opposing eye.
This actually increases their attention toward each other and makes it easier for them to discover each other’s strengths.
In this state of mind, the other person’s qualities stand out, making it easier for them to change their attitude from “dislike” to “appreciation.”
As we watch those around us fall in love, their demeanor changes.
They may do silly things for their loved ones.
Their friends often exclaim that “people in love have zero IQ.”
Now, there is a psychological explanation for this: it’s called the “halo effect.”
Those who lose themselves in love, obey their partner’s every command or are always worried about their relationship often have this psychological phenomenon.
Because they are too immersed in love and rely too heavily on their partner, they idealize their image and make them perfect, which can lead to feelings of inferiority, anxiety, or even idolization.
But there is no perfect love or perfect lover in this world; it’s just a psychological suggestion of “love is blind.”
With the rapid development of the internet and the explosion of massive amounts of information, more and more social phenomena are being magnified and discussed.
For example, extramarital affairs are constantly criticized and debated, to the extent that many labels have been created, such as “men always like something new and dislike something old.”
If we approach love with these inherent prejudices or concerns, it will undoubtedly affect our judgment.
Trusting too much can lead to hurt, and too much doubt can spoil love.
From a psychological perspective, understanding how to maintain a balance can be easier.
Psychologists call the male tendency to change partners the “Groucho Marx effect,” which has been proven in all mammals.
As higher animals, we inevitably have traces of this effect.
We should not use this to excuse men’s infidelity, because the greatest difference between humans and animals is that humans have consciences and morals.
If we cannot control our behavior, how can we distinguish ourselves from the animal kingdom?
We should not be overly suspicious of our lover’s motives.
Understanding their physiological and psychological characteristics, being confident in our partner’s ability to control their behavior and be responsible for their feelings, and leaving a little room for love is all important.
No matter how a love story begins, and no matter what state it takes on, the greatest happiness in life is to discover that the person you love also loves you back, and to ultimately have a happy ending.
However, the reality is often less than ideal.
While we may envy others, we ourselves may have so many “unfortunate” obstacles in our own love lives:
being too afraid to speak up because of deep love, giving up on starting a relationship because of fear of loss, parting ways due to misunderstandings, starting a wrong relationship due to impulse, why is our love life always so bumpy?
With the examples above, we may discover that this may be due to psychological reasons.
If we confront ourselves and inquire about our deepest inner selves, we may find that these obstacles and helplessness in our love lives are actually due to emotional issues.
Just as most behaviors in love have corresponding psychological effects, the bumps in our love lives may also be influenced by certain psychological factors:
perhaps loving too much, turning love into a burden, maybe it is because of fear of love itself, which causes self-doubt, or perhaps it is due to a deviation in our view of love.
These many factors affect our behavior and mentality in love, shake the foundation of a relationship, and lead to bumpy relationships and unsuccessful love stories.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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