Feeling Insecure About Their Ex? Watch This [Video]

Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)

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he was like has my wife
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you know
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had had bigger dicks than me
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he was like probably
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like yeah she probably has
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[Music]
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somebody called brittany wrote in to us
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also and she was writing in relation to
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a past episode
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when we spoke about jealousy
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and
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exes and all of that stuff and she said
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that
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what we were talking about is actually
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called retroactive jealousy and that we
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feel when we feel jealous and insecure
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about our partners past relationships
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social media makes it super easy to
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stalk exes and see what they’re like i
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have felt insecure when former
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girlfriends seem more outgoing and
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social than me sexier with larger
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breasts also better careers
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and i always look she says i always look
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at boobs that’s a major one
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but i think that’s quite interesting
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because
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i definitely think that women compare
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themselves to exes and
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i’m sure men compare themselves to exes
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as well but it’s just an interesting
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thing that it’s called retroactive
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jealousy and it’s interesting to hear
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that
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you know
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lots of people
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suffer with that i i sometimes think
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you know because we all relate to how we
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may suffer from that in our lives we
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might take our current partner and
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and have some imaginary picture of
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people from their past that we compare
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ourselves to
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i always think there’s something funny
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about the fact that most of us never
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consider how we’re a ghost in somebody
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else’s life
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like how are we the phantom enemy
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yeah
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in the lives of people we’ve never even
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met yeah
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like
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think about it for a moment who you know
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who that you’ve ever dated
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is now dating someone
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who you’ve become this
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this you know st foreboding terrifying
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figure to
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that they’re like oh but you know so
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wait what did what what does he do for a
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living or who is he or was his that and
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you know they gave your ex gave them
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just enough information
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for them to
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you know emotionally torture themselves
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i think it’s a really relatable thing
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she said and i think
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what’s really interesting about it is
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we can spend
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an enormous amount of time comparing
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ourselves to people and static images on
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social media and the idea of what people
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were but the reality is that people
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that person
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with the great boobs and
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whatever
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she
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if you met her and you spent a decent
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amount of time with her she would just
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become another person she probably isn’t
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that great
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and there’s probably far less to feel
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insecure about than you feel like there
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is when you look at her instagram
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and i think that’s a really
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is something that we have to be quite
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sober about because we can drive
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ourselves crazy otherwise with just
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the sort of idea of what someone is
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but ultimately they are just another
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person there’s a there’s a
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but you know
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there’s that great moment in forgetting
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sarah marshall
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where
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the uh what’s his name the main dude in
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that not russell brand but the guy who
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gets his heart broken jason jason jason
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siegel
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you know where he’s he
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the ex is he’s the ex who got his heart
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broken yeah and russell brand is the guy
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that that got the girl
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and not the guy you want to date that
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your ex not the guy you want dating
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you’re in all this snow it’s like
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russell brand on steroids
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for all the snow but it’s just this
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great moment where he’s he meets older
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snow russell brand’s character out on
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the water
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surfing
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and
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older snow is just kind of
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just chill relaxed confident guy who’s
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you know
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making cool references and there’s just
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a moment where
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jason seagull is it
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he just goes
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you’re cool
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and it’s like a moment where he’s
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it’s like he wants it to be the moment
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where he realizes oh you’re a complete
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tool
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and instead it’s like a moment where it
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just
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he’s almost like i get it
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i get it
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you know i get why she’d want to be with
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you and of course as the movie unfolds
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you you begin to realize that aldous
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snow has a whole bunch of
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issues of his own and you know is not
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he even he is not the cat you know is
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not the
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intimidating character that kind of he’s
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once thought to be in the sense that you
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realize old to be with him would be a
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nightmare
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and he turns out to be his ex’s
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nightmare
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um but
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but in that moment that’s almost the
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like that’s almost the most terrifying
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moment is the idea of meeting someone
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and
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and being like man you’re cool
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what i love about that movie
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too is like it really is just the worst
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possible
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situation to get over this ex she’s
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everywhere she’s on billboard she’s all
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this stuff
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and that movie was kind of made a bit
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before social media was at least the way
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social media is today
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and i do think this whole retroactive
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jealousy thing it is sort of just a real
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like a modern modern phenomenon and i do
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wonder like
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is this making it just i mean look is it
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making it just awful for people right
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now or is is there also some kind of
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silver lining here are we all just
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becoming a bit tougher
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i don’t know if it’s new
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i think it’s just you have so many more
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ways to torture yourself today well
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totally yeah it’s definitely not a new
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phenomenon but the phenomenon of just it
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being so almost ridiculously in your
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face correct yeah
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yeah
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yeah i mean it’s funny we’re funny
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people are funny i remember being at
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dinner with a guy
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before social media was where it is
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today
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he was an older guy maybe he was in his
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late 30s at the time
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but he was he was kind of funny
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in the way that he spoke
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and he was i remember him saying
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like you know has he was like has my
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wife
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you know
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had had bigger dicks than me
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he was like probably
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like yeah she probably has
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but you know like
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i’m me and i have this and you know we
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have a great relationship and
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ultimately she chose me and whatever and
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i i remember when he said it i wanted to
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throw up
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i remember being like i
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you have
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the fact that you can even admit that
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and say that out loud
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is like
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some kind of jedi level of equanimity
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that at the time i was like i cannot
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relate to this you just
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you know
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i was like why are you putting this in
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my head
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but
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i kind of look back now and i was and
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it’s almost like he had
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you know
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he almost had reached some kind of
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just level of
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radical acceptance and maturity where he
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was just like
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it doesn’t matter
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yeah well that’s it and i think that’s
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that’s the kind of
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the cherry the points to this right is
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that
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if you let it you will care
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if you
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stalk
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your partner’s ex
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you will feel something probably most
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likely
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if you
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think about your partner with other
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people you will get jealous if you think
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about all these things you will care
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because you’re a human being
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so accepting that that is absolutely
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something that
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is able to make you feel [ __ ] it’s able
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to make you feel bad
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but then choosing to go as a result i’m
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gonna just avoid it i’m not gonna allow
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myself to open that box i’m not gonna
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allow myself to go there because what’s
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the point every time i do it if i was to
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go there i would just end up hurting
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myself i agree with that totally and i
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think that removing the references to
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someone and removing the
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all the things that can link you back to
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them or trigger those thoughts is always
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a good idea
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if you’ve already kind of
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if you’ve already opened the wound and
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done the damage i think one of the
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things that can really help
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is just to
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just to realize and connect with the
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idea that whoever this
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person is that has become an almost
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mythical
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figure of intimidation in your mind
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they’re not king of the world they’re
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not queen of the world
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you’re you’re taking a feature of them
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and
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making it really really important
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whether it’s that they’re really funny
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or whether it’s that they’re
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really
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beautiful or good-looking or whether
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it’s that dude’s got a great body or
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he’s taller or he’s whatever he’s more
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successful you’re taking a feature
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and blowing out of
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all proportion
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and
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you have to get back to the point where
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you go
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no one is a god
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no one is
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king of the world
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no one is
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this person that’s by the way so
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intimidating because you think that
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person has it all together
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you’re not thinking of that person in
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their deep
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dark
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moments of despair or the things they’re
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going through in their life or the ways
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that that person that you’re intimidated
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by has not got happiness
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figured out
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or the way that they torture themselves
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or the way that the thing they’re going
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through
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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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