For the last six years my family and I have been circling around the United States. The main reason for doing so was the volatility in my husbands field of business. During this time we dealt with job losses, buying and selling homes, death, relocation and having our family split between two different coasts.
It has been very disruptive, especially having a child in elementary school. He was moved around to six different schools in multiple states and the change has not been easy for him. I would try and make him feel as safe and secure as I could, but at the same time I was managing our relocation alone while my husband would start work in a new state. There were so many details that I had to tend to. I felt like I was drowning.
Many mornings I would wake up not being able to breathe and wondering where to start. Sometimes the anxiety of it all overtook me and I would procrastinate and get nothing done, which would make me feel guilty and make the next day even more difficult. I had to make a plan, I wanted to stop sabotaging myself. I needed to figure out how to keep my balance during this time of chaos.
The first thing was to shut out the external noise. You know, the opinions of well meaning people. The ones that say, “wow you are never going to get all that done in such a short period of time”. The individuals that make you feel not good enough or question your goals. They make comments that add to the anxiety and self doubt. I have a close family member that somehow has the gift to trigger me every time. Those are the voices that one has to shut out because the chatter in our own head is skeptical enough. There will always be people that say they support you, but they add to the chaos. Remove them temporarily so that you can stay focused on what you need to accomplish.
The next thing is to make a “loose” plan and keep a journal with a “to do” list. Nothing in life can be planned perfectly. There will always be challenges and set backs, but if you give yourself a daily goal then you will know what to expect. This will be a guide when the things around you are going mad. Remember any step forward no matter how minuscule is still progress.
Take time for yourself. So important! Many of us do not do this. We beat ourselves up over the smallest thing. Be kind to yourself and remember you are doing the best you can. Whether it is taking a walk in nature, having lunch with a friend, do something that makes you happy. You just need to take a break for your own sanity. No guilt, only self love and care. This will help feed your soul and add to your peace.
Only engage with people who are truly supportive. I remember during my last move I was mentally exhausted and just did not think that I could face the insanity again. We had moved four times in four years to to three different states. I was venting my frustration to a friend and she said, “you’ve done this so many times before and you always get it done. What’s the worse thing that can happen, that your timeline is off a day or so?”. She was absolutely right! I was capable and had done this numerous times before and I always figured it out. Just hearing that made me feel so much better. Those are the golden people in your life that will be your stability and voice of reason. They will help to keep you calm during the storm.
Stop the clamor in your head. Talk to yourself as you would a child or a close friend. You would never say horrible things to them. We are often so brutal to ourselves. Don’t be your own worst enemy, be your ally.
Lastly, realize that some things are out of your control. You can try and do everything correctly, but things will still go wrong. You may fail at first but if you try again you will get it right. there are twists and turns that are unforeseeable. Know that the Universe will guide you. Throughout my life I have come to understand the less I try to control the more peace of mind I have. Sometimes the Universe’s plan is different than our own plan and in the end we always find out why. Often the lesson is a gift. “Give it to God” as people say and find comfort in the fact that the Universe always knows what you need. The chaos will eventually end, you just have to ride it out and have faith in the outcome.
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Previously Published on Medium.
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