Of course we can never be too safe, there are problems and potential disasters everywhere. Nobody will live forever, probably, though Doctor Dawg is working on some stuff right now that might… I shouldn’t say anything else. Every day can be a struggle, with the forces of evil (in the form of old age, senility, heart disease, and who knows what else) closing in fast. We need to stay active, keep our strength up, and present a moving target for all that life is going to throw our way. There are several options for the recently not so young anymore. Today we will discuss several.
You could take a dance class, some high-intensity hip hop thing with weighted gloves, and loud music, and poor ventilation. These are offered in many places and the cost is normally quite affordable. Of course, the music is not really for older folk, like us. So, you will need to be open minded. And there are going to be many people who don’t wiggle, shake and shimmy like a flesh-colored wave experiment with each bounce and jump and lunge. So you will need to be self-confident. And, you will probably need to bring your own oxygen, most of these kids at these things can still breathe after what will be the most awful, torturous, terrible forty-five minutes of your life. As you lay there steeping in a puddle of your own sweat, barely able to move, and trying to gasp out “hey, can I borrow a smoke, or a defibrillator, I don’t care which?” they will step casually over your prone, limp, almost lifeless body, talking about how excited they are to get to spin class. You will be too tired and your arms to stiff and sore to even trip one of the smug, arrogant punks. But, those are not for everybody.
Martial Arts is another fine option. Learning self-defense and discipline while toning and slimming. Dreams of Walking Tall, Billy Jack, and Enter the Dragon dancing through your head you sign up and write your check. Things go great, until the first shoulder separation, ouch, “sorry, but could you cut up my baked, boneless, skinless chicken? My arm is so sore.” And then the broken toes, and at such an advanced age they are debilitating. Sprained ankles, deep tissue bruises, and a cracked rib, soon you need a walker, and not the cool Star Wars kind, the lame, old people version. “I am taking my lawyer to class next week, I will show them self defense!” Maybe you should look into something else.
I started walking during my lunch break. So far there have been no incidents, but I will keep you posted. Of course if I walk past too many bakeries it may not be all that slimming. Today, I am heading south, and a little east, I hear there is a place over there that makes cupcakes that are so good grown men weep, openly, and fall to their knees in rapture. That is a good cupcake.