“My mind can’t focus on life anymore
Too busy thinking about finding a cure
Cure to various levels of anxiety and stress I have
Too bad I can’t face them as I am not that brave
***
Loneliness is such a disease that refuses to let us go
Even during happy times our bodies feel low
I want to scream and share what is happening within
But I am invisible to people with super thick skin
I became immune to my own pain and sorrows
Suppress it the hardest and do not let it show
***
Words don’t flow out as easily as it used to be
And I don’t know if my happiness can be unlocked with a key
I have a lot to say to the world
But I have only taught myself how to stay reserved
Will I ever speak up or gather courage to relay my message?
Or should I harbor my feelings and wait until it turns to rage
***
I had dreams, hopes and many expectations from life
None of it matters now as if they were slashed with a knife
Am I a failure you ask?
Or just a victim of harsh circumstance
Maybe both as my mind struggles to focus
I look for answers and a chance to discuss
To share what I am feeling in both my mind and heart
And to not be treated like I am some sort of dirt
***
I have waited a long time for someone to finally listen
To lessen the burden off my chest has been my only mission
People say I can see a shrink and let everything out
Especially when I want to cry from my pain and shout
I feel fear of judgment all around me
Because I know no one will understand or even agree
I debate with myself whether to listen to heart or mind
No justification helps me and leaves me utterly blind
***
Alas my mind doesn’t let my heart win this race
And forces me to live with the struggles I face
Coming back to square one and trying to find a cure
Don’t think I will find one as I am not too sure
All I can do is put up a smile and have it masked
Under which most of my self-esteem goes crushed and fractured”
—
Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.
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