Going Through Breakup Hell? [Video]

Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)

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joe says going through hell right now
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any advice
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well joe i don’t know why you’re going
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through hell
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perhaps it’s a breakup perhaps something
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tragic has happened in your life maybe
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you lost the love of your life someone
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you thought you were supposed to be with
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or maybe you’re just going through a ton
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of emotional pain right now
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one of the things that always helps me
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when i’m going through hell
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is to remember that everything changes
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pain modulates over the course of our
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life
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memories change
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in the amount of pain that they cause us
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especially if we decide to work on our
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relationship with that memory or with
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that time in our life
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we go on to meet other people have new
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relationships
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that move us on from the previous
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situation
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we change
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what we think about changes what’s
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important to us changes
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what we think about a situation or a
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person changes everything changes
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and
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there’s
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something very comforting about that
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because whatever extraordinary pain
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you’re feeling right now
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you won’t feel the same way about that
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thing in two years or even in a year
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and certainly not in five
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i think look
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time doesn’t automatically heal our pain
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time can make it easier to live with but
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what’s interesting is
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when
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pain gets easier to live with it’s
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another way of saying we’ve changed our
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relationship with the pain
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and the ironic thing is changing our
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relationship with the pain can actually
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make the pain
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decrease
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and that’s true whether we’re talking
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about emotional pain or even sometimes
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physical pain there are we get physical
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chronic pain one of the things that can
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make pain chronic is that once we feel
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pain
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if we freak out and we panic about that
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and our relationship with that pain
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becomes one of fear and one of trauma
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then
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our
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our wiring starts to wire itself for
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that pain to continue
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and i’ve had issues with chronic
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physical pain and one of the lessons
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i’ve learned is that
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if i change my relationship with
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that physical pain to one of acceptance
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to one of
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calm
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if i can learn not to associate it with
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fear and panic which with physical pain
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at one stage i did i had a lot of panic
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and fear around it that it would never
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go away and if it would never go away
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then my life would be ruined and
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if my life was ruined then what was the
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point in keeping going you know i went
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through that whole cycle once i started
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to
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learn to adapt my relationship with pain
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calm down with it
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learn how to
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manage my relationship with it
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the pain itself i found i had more
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control over than i thought and that’s a
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very powerful
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realization
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and i sometimes think that one of the
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saddest things about when people are in
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tremendous pain and then they
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make
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bad decisions you know there’s
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of course the
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the really bad decision
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some people make is to end it when
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they’re in the worst pain of their lives
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but even if we don’t go that far even if
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we just make some really poor decisions
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from a place of pain that then make our
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lives worse
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a lot of the time we’re not taking that
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longer term perspective that this will
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change
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this tremendous horrible sickening pain
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i’m in right now it won’t last
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forever
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and that doesn’t mean i have to feel
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better today it just means that
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the the
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there’s the pain of what’s happened
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and then there’s the the panic
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that comes with the catastrophizing
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that this pain is gonna last forever and
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the latter part makes the pain so much
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worse
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when we understand that yes i’m in pain
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right now but that pain
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isn’t going to last forever this isn’t
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going to stay the same then it gives us
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just a little bit of breathing room
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without pain
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and then our job is to do the best we
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can right now with the pain that we have
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not to do
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your best from
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a year ago because you weren’t in this
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pain a year ago
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it’s to do the best you can with the
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pain you have right now and that’s where
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we tend to get very hard on ourselves is
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we expect the same of ourselves as we’re
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able to give or do
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in our better times and that’s not fair
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you have to account for your pain and
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the things you’re going through
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and then do the best you can with that
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and that’s the art the art is how well
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can you do what can you do in your life
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what how many times can you get up
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what can you experience in your day in
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spite of your pain that’s the real art
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of life as opposed to how quickly can i
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get rid of this pain
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because pain runs its course i hope you
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enjoyed that video or at the very least
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found it
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to offer some solace
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if you’re going through a really
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difficult time in your life right now
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i relate to joe
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in saying going through hell right now
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because i’ve been through times in my
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life where
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i really felt like i was going through
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hell i was going through a kind of
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personal hell
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and
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in those times i didn’t know if i would
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ever come out of it i didn’t know if i’d
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be okay ever again
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and
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in some of those moments i reached the
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darkest point of my life
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and it it gave me a greater depth as a
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person
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and it ultimately
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made me a much better coach
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because i had to
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i had to learn it sent me on a journey
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where i had to learn how to pull myself
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out of that place that was something i’d
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never had to do before those moments
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when i was a younger coach
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i
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you know sometimes when we say things we
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we say things because we’ve heard them
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somewhere and we think that they’re true
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and they may be true
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but when we’ve been through something
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incredibly difficult in our lives the
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words we say have a different resonance
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because they come from experience
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and
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in having to pull myself out of some of
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the darkest moments in my life
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i learned a lot of tools
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i learned a lot about
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how to not only survive moments like
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that but how to rebuild
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and how to get back to a place of
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happiness or peace even when you think
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it’s not possible
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and i
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those times in my life now where i went
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through hell
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are some of the times that i’m most
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grateful for
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because
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it helped me develop a kind of
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invincibility
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so that now
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when i go through really
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bad bad times
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it’s funny i don’t
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panic you know at that time when i was
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going through hell i would i would panic
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i would freak out i would
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go into a kind of catastrophic thinking
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about my future and never being okay
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again or life being ruined
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and that would that would panic me and
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the panic that how i felt about being in
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health
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made the whole situation ten times worse
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nowadays when i go through something
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difficult
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i don’t
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i don’t tense up in the same way and i
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don’t panic
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because i know i have the resources and
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the tools
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to be able to deal with it what i would
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love
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is to be able to pass those tools onto
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you that i have learned
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through the most difficult times in my
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life and i’ve been so fortunate to have
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access
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not only to things i’ve learned along
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the way but to amazing mentors
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who helped me in those times
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and one of the places where i’m able to
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give all of this knowledge and these
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tools to people is
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my retreat
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if you haven’t
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experienced this with me yet and you’re
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going through a difficult time in your
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life
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this process
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is one that you will thank yourself for
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the rest of your life for being a part
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of
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it’s literally life saving
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and what’s really exciting is that for
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the last two and a half years i’ve been
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doing my retreat virtually
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but
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for the first time
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since pre-pandemic
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i am doing my in-person
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live retreat again in florida
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and i wanted to make sure you knew about
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it because if you are
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going through a tough time in your life
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if you know you have to make a change
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i promise you this is one of the safest
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and most beautiful places you can be to
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make that change and i will guide you
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over six days
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in exactly how to do it
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all you need to do to apply is go to mh
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retreat dot
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read all about it learn about it
9:26
and um and apply
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because this is going to be a game
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changer for you this year if this video
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resonated with you
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i’ll see you over there
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you

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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