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On the Good Men Project’s Intersectionality Social Interest Group’s weekly call, moderated by Lisa Hickey, we addressed the issue of victim blaming. Whether the victim is a woman, or a person of color, or both, and they’ve been victimized by sexual assault, or physical assault, or murdered.
Headlines
“Woman Raped,” “Man shot,” and “Teenager shot resisting Police.” Notice they tend to be in the passive voice — no mention of who. In the active voice, the perpetrator is named. “Man Rapes Woman,” “Storekeeper shoots Man,” and “Police Shoot Teenager.”
The Story
Now the details come out. There’s a lot of explaining but in the end, the victim is blamed. It doesn’t matter if it is rape or racism, whoever did it was apparently not right in their mind, had no control over their limbs or protuberances, had no idea the gun was loaded, lost their hearing ability and listening skills so never heard any protestations or explanations, and/or just felt like it.
Victiim Blaming
No self-respecting reporter is going to print that, so it gets dumped on the victim.
Sexual Assault Minimizing <=> Racism Minimizing
- “Why didn’t she just say no?” <=> “Why didn’t he just obey the police?”
- “She shouldn’t have been dressed that way.” <=> “He shouldn’t have worn a hoodie and baggie pants, what do you expect?”
- “Why didn’t she just walk away?” <=> “If he hadn’t been doing anything wrong, the police wouldn’t have stopped him.”
- “But, but, not all men.” <=> “But, but, I have a black friend.”
- “She was a slut.” <=> “He was a thug.”
- “She was no angel.” <=> “He was no angel.”
- “Being a man is hard.” <=> “Being a police officer is dangerous.”
- “Personal responsibility.” <=> “Personal responsibility.”
- “This was an isolated incident.” <=> “This was an isolated incident.”
- “Let’s wait for the investigation.” <=> “Let’s wait for the investigation.”
- “It was just a joke.” <=> “It was just a joke.”
If you’re not a part of the victimized groups, you don’t get to decide whether or not those groups are allowed to be afraid. (FB: No Country For Women).
Living with Fear
Because no woman (white, black or brown) knows which men she can and can’t trust, she has to be on her guard with all men. Because no person of any gender identification knows who is phobic and who is not, they have to be on guard at all times. Because no person of color knows who is or is not a racist (within and without the police force), they have to be on guard with all encounters. Be
Heroes Needed
I don’t care what you were taught or not taught, what you feel or don’t feel, or any rationalization because if you are reading this you are capable of changing your behavior towards women and people of color. It’s easy really. You treat other people of all colors and genders, and sexual preferences exactly as you would like to be treated. No touching. No demeaning. No targeting. No gender or race jokes. No ignoring or excluding. No nothing different than you’d expect. The culture needs to change and only our heroes are going to make it happen.
You say, “Not going to be easy.” I say, “Be heroic anyway.”
Enough is enough. There are great powers and myths at work controlling our society. They tell people how to behave, how to treat other people, how to dress, what to say, and what to do. If you follow, without question all these do’s and don’t’s, you will be an exact duplicate of the person next to you, above you, and below you. People will dump expectations on you that you may keep or dump on someone else.
You are part of a huge machine. If you break ranks, the machine may spit you out (yea?) or put in a fix. You alone may not be able to initiate a fix, however, you can, by modeling behavior, change minds and attitudes. Then, there’s a whole bunch of you to ask for change, a fix so that everyone you work with and in the company is treated fairly and equitably.
We are not the “Land of the Free”
With women more than 50% of the population and African-American men less than half the African-American population, that means 58-60% of the U.S. population is alert and aware that they very well might be attacked every time they leave their house. Why? White privilege and patriarchy have conditioned some men in this country to believe in myths: 1) Race is a physical and mental quantifier and 2) women are inferior mentally and emotionally.
Good Men Wanted
We need to get over, be over, mythic support for abhorrent behavior that diminishes or subjugates another human or sentient being. White privilege has been around since before 1095 when the Pope Urban II sent the first crusade out to Christianize the savages (Muslims in this case).
In the throws of power, the white male privilege and patriarchy decided gender sparked inequality. Women were owned, traded, sold, and abused. The presiding myth was that men did the important work and women did everything else. The men had the brains and potential and women had the children. Men ruled without or without consent.
Race, a false biological study further supported subjugation and, more importantly, slavery. The cotton industry’s plantation owners, eager to apply the principle of huge profits by exploiting workers, did not have to be prompted twice to adopt the race heresy that the white race was superior to any other race. And, as white men subjugated and abused their women, they found it easy to abuse a lesser person, slaves.
Good Men and Heroes
We know the myths of sexism and racism are perpetrated by greed and power. We know that to succeed, our whole team has to be present and working to their best ability. If that’s the goal, a great team, then choices made on anything less than ability lowers your chance of success. Great leaders don’t take chances.
Our relationships, whether at work, home, or play are the most important things to a happy and healthy life. Being anything less than human to other humans hurts us and the people in our lives. If we want our family safe, then all families must be safe. If we want the women we care about safe, then all women must be safe. If we want to be able to walk the streets without fear, then all people must be able to walk the streets without fear.
Heroic Good Men Wanted and Needed
#MeToo is not just a woman’s fight, it’s everyone’s fight for autonomy, equality, and control of their own space. Racial Inequity and Injustice is not just a fight for people of color. It’s everyone’s fight to end racism, because the truth is we are all from the same gentic pool and we are one.
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We want to hear about your experience: How have you either contributed to or experienced the every day problem of being attacked as a man, a woman, or your family? Do you have a specific modus operandi to keep you safe that has worked… or not?
Does this topic surprise you? Have you ever drawn the parallel between rape and racist culture? If you have, what are your thoughts?
Have you stepped up or out and made changes in your relationships, expectations, and behavior that has made you more aware and inclusive? How did it change your life?
Please share your stories with the Good Man Project. They are powerful and offer perspectives that sensitize and empower other to be heroic good men… and women.
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