Hall Pass: Could This Novel Idea Be a Marriage’s Saving Grace?

I’m all for preserving the sanctity of marriage, but let’s be real here — asking to sexually commit to one person for life is a tall order.

Is it feasible? Possibly.

Realistic? Probably not, if all the stats on cheating are to be believed.

As it stands, estimates for people who have admitted to cheating in some way stand at a whopping 78% for men and 65% for women.

What’s even worse, only 5% of people believe their partner has cheated or will cheat in the future — chalk this one off to our predisposition to trust.

Plain and simple, fidelity is one tough cookie many of us fail to crack.

But fret not: not all is lost.

There is a silver lining in the form of hall passes.

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Hall passes are not open relationships

Hall passes, for those not in the know, is a colloquial term used to describe when one or both parties grant the other brief permission to get their sexual rocks off elsewhere.

Contrary to popular belief, hall passes are not open relationships/marriages, even though both involve sex with someone other than your partner.

Not long ago, I wrote an article titled, “Is An Open Marriage The Solution To Dead Bedroom Woes?,” in which I argued the case for open marriages as a possible solution for those stuck with a partner who is incapable of fulfilling their sexual needs.

But the thought of open relationships didn’t go down well with most people, and understandably so. Such relationships are exceedingly hard to get right, even under the best of circumstances.

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Hall passes might be the lesser of two evils

Perhaps giving hall passes would be an easier pill to swallow as they are more restrictive by design.

Unlike open relationships, hall passes don’t have the complications of managing multiple concurrent romantic partners.

They are granted for a predetermined period, usually a day or two, after which everything returns to normal.

This temporary nature means there is a lower risk of developing deep emotional or sexual connections with people other than the primary partner.

In essence, hall passes are just deviations from a primarily monogamous relationship, where non-monogamy is allowed in specific circumstances.

However, hall passes, and to a greater extent, open relationships, have three glaring problems. And I’m sure you probably already know what they are.

Anytime someone goes out of the bounds of commitment, even with the full blessing of their partner, there is always the possibility that jealousy, insecurity, and trust issues will reel their ugly heads.

Granted, having a brutally frank and open conversation about boundaries and expectations before anything happens can help offset the severity of some of these emotional concerns.

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It’s complicated

I won’t sit here and assert hall passes will work for everyone. I will even go as far as to say they won’t work for most.

But for those who can handle the idea of their partner getting sex from elsewhere, greenlighting hall passes could be one way to save some relationships and avoid cases of infidelity.

I know some people won’t like to hear this. But lifelong monogamy — one wife one husband till death — is not for everybody.

No matter how much the idea is forced down everyone’s throats, there are going to be individuals who enjoy having a variety of sexual experiences with different people while also desiring the benefits of emotional intimacy and companionship that come with being in a relationship with one person.

Hall passes can work. But only if approached with sensitivity, fairness, and respect from the person doing the asking, And openness, understanding, and trust from the person permitting it to happen.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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