Back then I didn’t know what she meant by that, exactly. What could change in my life afterwards was out of my sight. Little did I know, but that afternoon was about to change my whole perception about life, empathy, and love.
Steve Jobs said in one of his conferences for college graduates, that the occurrences in one’s life are like dots spaced from each other, which means that by themselves they don’t give a picture or a meaning right away. But once the dots are linked, only when everything is weaved together, the image comes to life. I’m 25 years old and many things are unclear to me, but I think I’m finally starting to see some traits of what I didn’t even know I was so eager to experience, and this woman is being the turning point of my life.
In between self-doubt and self-criticism, I found myself chasing for meaning and reasons to give another try today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow… The only company I used to rely on was myself. My words were the only ones to comfort my hectic mind. But I still remember vividly, the moment I allowed myself to admire those golden hairs, those stunning blue eyes. I didn’t approach her at first, I couldn’t approach her the second time, but the third one was my last try, and that’s what I did.
A wonderful soul was entering my world, bringing flowers and the spring itself without asking for a single thing, and I didn’t even know. The first steps were like touching the water with the fingertips before diving in. It took a few days, and we’re already swimming among feelings, empathy and trust in the shape of countless sincere words floating on the water inside paper letters.
She told me about her insecurities, how her life seemed a bit “off” and so did I. There was no doubt, we were holding each other so that none of us would fall, because standing by ourselves was no easy task. And in an afternoon she said “I kinda like you”. For many people it might sound and mean very little. But it meant so much to me. It was of one the most welcoming surprises I’ve ever received. It was time to allow our hearts to move on to a more serene place, where birds would sing, flowers would bloom and a bond would come to life.
. . .
Since then, we’ve been slowly weaving part of our lives together, among some misunderstandings, caring words, passionate desires and more than words could ever accurately describe. But between so much beauty, some moments do come through the window breaking the glass of the shelter we’re caring for, together. Feels like a knife piercing the heart, then we look at all those fragments all over the floor giving life to our reflections in a wicked way. How long is this going to last, we ask ourselves. Inevitably cutting the fingertips with the edges of those fragments, we feel like hanging by a thread. One more time and it’s over.
Why keep on hurting ourselves when we could find somewhere else? Yet, the next day we’re caring for each other’s wounds and rebuilding afresh from where we left off, apart from our misunderstandings and cold words pronounced unintentionally.
Intertwined like threads of a piece of cloth, we lead our life sharing what it means to be human, compassion and empathy. And I’ve realized she’s helped me see what I actually value the most. Things I haven’t given so much thought before. Being one of them, writing.
. . .
She’s been opening my eyes for the beauty of being alive when that was the last thing I thought would happen. I’m giving myself this chance to love, to care and to know myself better, because it seems I knew so little about me and it’s being the turning point of my life. Hopefully for better. We never know what tomorrow will be about, but as long as I can keep on moving forward with or without her, it’ll be okay.
And if someday we part ways, I’ll just hold on to the cloth we weaved side by side, cause no amount of years will ever undo these threads of our lives.
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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