He Did All the Talking on Our Date

Dating in the age of COVID has been a minefield. I’m glad I have a boyfriend, so I don’t need to deal with it.

For people trying to date right now, in addition to the normal issues, there are some extra ones — can we meet in person? What if he or she cancels claiming a positive COVID test? Is that for real, or a useful excuse? What if he wears a mask when they meet but she doesn’t? How do you manage a kiss goodnight if you’re masked?

But let’s say you navigate all of that — there are still all the perils that were common pre-pandemic.

He talked the entire time

One of my pet peeves when I was single — he monopolized the conversation.

In fact, I still remember one date with a guy who had made it clear for months he wanted to take me out. I finally agreed. I gave him a chance, which he blew.

He started to talk about himself. I decided to try an experiment. I would not say anything unless he paused for a reasonable length of time vs. just to catch his breath, or he asked me a question.

Afterwards, he said he had a good time and could we do it again.

“No,” I said.

“Why not?” he asked.

“What did I talk about?”

“Huh?”

“Exactly,” I said. “The entire evening you talked about yourself while I said nothing. I timed it, actually — after the first few minutes, I decided to wait and see if you would let me say anything. You didn’t. So I don’t think we are compatible.”

It was not the only first (or second, or third) date where the guy monopolized the conversation.

And when I was younger, it pi**ed me off.

But… it’s actually not necessarily a bad sign

OK, in the case of the guy I talk about above — yes, it’s a bad sign.

But, in the case of many men — they might actually be potentially good partners. Despite their verbosity. In fact, their verbosity during the first few dates might actually indicate how much he desires you.

For many men, if they are attracted to a woman, they have a desire to impress her. Peacocks show off their fancy plumage. Men show off in other ways.

On a date, one way men try to have your attention is by talking.

If a man talks a lot on a date, it might not have anything to do with his normal personality and be his way of showing you his plumage, hoping to get into your pants.

However, by the time you’ve had several dates — if he is still asking you out, then he actually likes you as a person. There is an emotional connection.

At that point — his real personality starts to come out.

So, if you were getting irritated by his non-stop talking early on, but, aside from that, you really like him — wait a few dates. Many men show a different personality as they get to know you.

If you would like to buy me a cup of coffee, I would appreciate it. Maybe I can return the favor sometime. Because we all need appreciation.

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This post was previously published on Shefali O’Hara’s blog.

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