Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold
Hey Wendy,
What’s the best way to communicate online that I’m not interested in dating outside my race or education level? They’re just not my flavor of attraction.
Quinn C.
______
Hey Quinn,
As an online dater, you can use any of the many platforms that provide sorting filters. This gives viewers information about your preferences but won’t block anyone from contacting you.
It’s totally acceptable to say “no” when someone who isn’t your type contacts you.
If you’re not feeling it for any reason: race, twice your age, half your age, works full-time as a walking sandwich board, takes bathroom selfies, or has beady eyes, try this reply: “Thank you so much for reaching out! After reading your profile, I can see we’re not quite a match. Good luck out there!”
If they reach back to engage after that, use that key on the top right of your laptop labeled “delete.”
We worry we’ll offend or hurt feelings. But this is a stranger.
Do you want to know what you owe a stranger?
Nothing.
Common courtesy is an added bonus.
Also, we don’t want to appear judgie.
But go ahead.
Be judgie!
Be very, very judgie!
If you happen to be in the market for a partner for life, you’re going to be spending a ridiculous amount of one-on-one time with this person. So you better really like who they are and want to hang around them. You, my love, can have any and as many preferences as you want. You get to decide who you hang around.
And yep, you are discriminating — t’s true. But when I use the word “discriminate,” I mean the first definition in my trusty American Heritage Dictionary, “to make a clear distinction,” as in distinguish your preferences, kinda like how I do when I’m standing at the counter at Baskin-Robbins. I pick mint chip every time — I’m discriminating. Never do I pick rum raisin. And rum raisin never gets mad at me for liking mint chip better.
Happy dating!
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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