How Micro-Stress Impacts Your Marriage, and What to Do About It

I came across The Hidden Toll of Microstress in the Harvard Business Review. I encourage you to read the full article.

What stood out to me the most was the number of micro-stresses relatable to marriage and its toll on your mind and body.

I often dismiss micro-stresses myself, believing that strong people should be able to shrug them off, but it’s not that simple. As stated in the article:

“When your body budget is continually burdened, momentary stressors pile up, even the kind that you’d normally bounce back from quickly. It’s like children jumping on a bed, the bed might withstand 10 kids bouncing at the same time, but the 11th one snaps the bed frame.”

Where is all this micro-stress that we hardly notice coming from? Their research identified 14 sources. They divided them into three categories:

Micro-stresses that drain your capacity to get things done.
Micro-stresses that deplete your emotional reserves.
Micro-stresses that challenge your identity.

Of the 14 sources, I see half that relates to the environment and interactions that occur in a marriage:

Managing and feeling responsible for the success and well-being of others
Confrontational conversations
Lack of trust in your network
Pressure to pursue goals out of sync with your personal values
Attacks on your sense of self-confidence, worth, or control
Draining or otherwise negative interactions with family or friends
Surges in responsibilities at work or home

Remember that a negative interaction is up to five times more impactful than a positive one.

I won’t remember the 14 identified sources of micro-stress. Still, I will remember that micro-stress takes a compounding toll on our happiness and that I need to be more aware of them to better manage my emotions.

The suggestions for managing micro-stress stated in the article are practical. Here are a handful of examples from the article:

Say no to small asks
Reduce how frequently technology interrupts your day
Micro-stress you cause on others will likely boomerang back to you

I recommend reading the full article, The Hidden Toll of Microstress, in the Harvard Business Review.

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This post was previously published on Modern Husbands and is republished on Medium.

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