How ‘Social Office Hours’ Can Deepen Your Relationships

In late 2020, I moved to a new city just before another lockdown hit.

Not knowing anyone there, I was at the mercy of social media, texting, and video calls to keep in touch with old friends — and find new ones. As a result, 95 percent of my relationships shifted to digital communication.

This was helpful to socialize for the time being.

But in the long term, social media and texting made me lonelier than ever.

I’m not alone. Research confirms that relying too much on social media or texting can promote depression, detachment, and dependency. It’s the genuine human connection that’s missing.

Digital communication transfers lots of information. But it leaves out the most important features— emotion and nuance. And the easier the communication, the more you lose the message you actually want to convey.

When you FaceTime instead of meeting up, you lose smell, touch, and a big part of the body language — and what many people would call ‘energy’ or ‘vibe.’

But that’s only the tip of the iceberg.

Take away the video for a normal phone call, and you lose body language and facial expressions altogether. Move on to texting, and you abandon any nuance in your voice. And when you click ‘like,’ all that remains is one byte of information.

One thing is for sure: we must avoid low information communication.

It only leads to misunderstandings, lost touch, and isolation.

But we’re moving in the opposite direction. Millennials hate phone calls. They tend to send a quick text because it’s “easy.” For most Millenials, phone calls are a waste of time.

So how can we bring back the meaningful communication we so desperately need? How can we deepen our relationships with real-life contact?

Social office hours can help.

. . .

How Social Office Hours Work

I stumbled upon this concept in Cal Newport’s Digital Minimalism and couldn’t stop thinking about it ever since.

‘Social office hours’ is the concept of specified time slots in which you’re open to conversations. During this time, you don’t actively plan for meeting people. But you‘re free for visits or phone calls.

Don’t let the name scare you off. It’s actually a lot of fun. If applied correctly, it will transform your relationships for the better.

Here are some detailed examples so you can make it your own.

Coffee shop hours

Every weekday from 8 AM to 9 AM, you go to your favorite local coffee shop.

You bring something to read, work on, or enjoy a coffee to keep yourself busy. You don’t really expect anyone to come. But you let everyone know you’re there and that you’d be happy to have some chats over coffee.

Your friends may not get it immediately.

But if you make this a consistent habit, people will be happy to stop by and see you there. It’s soothing to have a person who’s always there for a quick chat or meaningful conversation.

Soon, you won’t even need text messages anymore.

It’ll just be, “Same time tomorrow?”

Pub hours

Every Friday at 8 PM you go to your local pub.

Since this is a very social setting, I won’t blame you if you don’t want to go alone. So make a group chat with your closest friends. Every Friday, you check who wants to go. Of course, you can also let other people offer to drop by spontaneously.

Soon, this will become a “thing.”

Every Friday — the end of the week — you get together with your friends to catch up on what’s going through their heads and happening in their lives. It doesn’t matter whether it’s for half an hour or three hours.

But consistency is important.

You share dreams, worries, and support. That’s how relationships deepen.

Open phone hours

Chances are, not all of your relationships are local. That’s okay. But remember, you want to make the communication as nuanced as possible.

So instead of texting from time to time, have open phone hours.

This works similar to coffee shop hours or pub hours. Every day from 5 PM to 7 PM, you’re open to phone or video calls. During this time, you can get yourself cozy with a book, movie, or record. You can also go for a walk.

Design your social open office time as worthwhile as possible.

Being open for phone calls might not seem like much.

But even apart from Millenials, many people are afraid to make phone calls. Why? Because they’re worried, they’re going to disturb the other person. Of course, that’s not really true. If we’d just take the average time we spend on our phones, we get a daily window of nearly four hours. Four hours!

Open phone hours offer reassurance.

You let your loved ones know they won’t bother you. You encourage them to make that call. So whenever they have something on their mind, they can call you. Or even better, plan for the next date you’re going to see each other.

. . .

Switch off the Robot

Too often, we have so many contacts living in the same city but never get to know them. We instead spend the morning or evening alone, swiping through the newest updates on social media.

Social office hours bring a routine to your relationships.

They make sure you prioritize in-person contact over meaningless texting. They give you daily or weekly opportunities to share hopes and insecurities. And they give your friends and family a time window to reach you.

On top of deepening your existing relationships, you might even make new friends. The bartender, the barista, or any other frequent visitors will take notice of you. Sooner or later, you can spark a conversation that might just be the beginning of a wonderful friendship.

Don’t let the increasing digital communication turn you into a robot.

Make nuanced communication the centerpiece of your relationships.

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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