Have you ever listened to a friend complain about their dating lives, while silently thankful it’s not you? Have you ever wondered why someone you know was with someone they shouldn’t be with?
That happens to me all the time.
I’ve had wine and cheese with married people complaining about their partners. I’ve had drinks with friends complaining about being single. I’ve sat by the poolside listening to a woman who focused her whole world on a married man with children, and I silently wondered why?
Why was Julie* spending her youthful years waiting for a man that rarely ever shows up physically, and never shows up emotionally?
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10 guaranteed ways to become the other woman
- Spend all your money on lingerie hoping they will come over to see you in the lingerie.
- Wait all evening with candles on the coffee table, in said lingerie that cost half a paycheque, only to blow out the candles and go to bed alone
- Deliberately miss out on every holiday with family and friends in hopes they will spend the holiday with you, only to spend each holiday alone.
- Turn down potential dates with really great people in order to stay loyal to the fantasy in your mind.
- Ignore the little voice in your head telling you they are lying when they tell you they love you.
- Ignore the little voice in your head telling you they are lying when they tell you they have a very bad marriage.
- Believe the fantasy is a real and true relationship.
- Spend days dreaming of a future with them that will likely never happen.
- Believe life stands still and you will be young forever.
- Keep your life on hold until they leave their partner, which is likely to never happen.
I remember Julie* by the poolside stopped seeing friends. She confided in me that it was difficult because she couldn’t really talk about her personal life with those friends. It’s difficult to maintain close friendships when you’re living a secret. Instead, she lounged by the pool and worked on her tan alone, all summer long.
Photo by pawel szvmanski on Unsplash
She was very attractive, she turned heads as she passed people by the pool, but she remained faithful to the fantasy. One day she told me he took his family on vacation. She was quiet that week.
I felt a deep pain for her.
Shortly after, my family and I ended up moving away, I lost contact with Julie* by the poolside and often wondered if she ever left him.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: pawel szvmanski on Unsplash