How To Restore Your Spirit

Three things happened recently that eroded some of the joy in my life. The incidents caused me to reflect deeply about where I’ve been, where I’m headed, and the inevitability of change.

The first incident occurred while walking my dogs. Shortly after the COVID-19 pandemic, someone in my neighborhood started leaving painted rocks along the sidewalks and footpaths.

The rocks included encouraging sayings like, “Be safe” and “Joy.” Every time I saw the rocks, they made me smile. They reassured me that good people live among us, and we need one another to get through tough times.

Painted rock along the footpath

Another encouraging rock amidst the pinecones

Yet another painted rock

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As my dogs and I were strolling, we discovered the shattered remains of my favorite rock. The one that used to say, “Be safe.”

The shattered remains of the “Be safe” rock

Clearly, the rock was intentionally destroyed. What could someone find distasteful about a painted rock with an encouraging message?

There have always been angry souls and nihilists in society. People who want to see the world burn, or get a perverse pleasure out of destruction.

“If all men lead mechanical, unpoetical lives, this is the real nihilism, the real undoing of the world.” -Reginald Horace Blyth

To build and create things of value reflect the best of society, but sooner or later a dark heart will come along to tear things down.

I know the destruction of a little, painted rock does not signal the end of civil society, but what if such incidents are cumulative harbingers of worse things to come?

Try making a nest

The second thing that happened was an abandoned bird’s nest that my dogs found on the ground. The nest had shell remnants from the eggs.

Unlike the shattered rock, the bird’s nest did not appear to be the result of human interference. Most likely, high winds dislodged it from nearby trees.

“You’ll have a lot more respect for a bird after you try making a nest.” -Cynthia Lewis

Yet I couldn’t shake a twinge of melancholy when I looked at the nest, exposed and discarded on the ground. I considered the time and effort required for the birds to construct their home. The days spent visiting the nest to feed the chicks.

Where once it was a warm and safe refuge for young fledglings, now it was abandoned and discarded. Unlike the shattered rock, the nest was mostly intact. But soon the elements will destroy it.

The shattered rock and dislodged nest led me to wonder why good things in our lives don’t seem to last. They come along for a while, but just when we start to take them for granted, they’re gone.

Detours and dead ends

The third thing that happened was the recent presidential debate. Don’t worry, I won’t add to the partisan noise here, beyond sharing my sense that things seem to be coming apart.

Politics has never been an entirely elegant affair, but there used to be some semblance of decorum and etiquette. Not so much anymore.

The bad behavior goes beyond the current candidates to society in general, which has become coarser and less tolerant of opposing views. It feels like all people care about these days is winning. Defeating the other person, at all costs.

Life is filled with detours and dead ends, trials and challenges of every kind. Each of us has likely had times when distress, anguish, and despair almost consumed us. -Russell M. Nelson

There’s this sense that society is changing, but not in a good way. It feels like more people are shattering rocks. More nests are falling out of trees. Beauty and goodness is still out there, but can it hold?

A creeping sort of foreboding

The author Julian Barnes wrote a book titled “The Sense of an Ending.” The protagonist is a middle-aged man named Tony Webster who contends with a past he never thought much about.

I was drawn to the book years ago because the title captured exactly how I felt about the small-town police department I worked for.

When I was a rookie in the early days of my career, the police department had a family atmosphere. We all lived in town, worked together, and socialized on our days off.

But slowly things changed. Newer officers chose to live further away, where housing was more affordable. The dawn of the Internet and social media changed habits. I sensed an ending to the close-knit professional family I began my career with.

Robert D. Putnam’s 2001 book “Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community” helped explain what I was experiencing. The book illustrates how we became increasingly disconnected from one another and how social structures like the PTA, church, and political parties, have all disintegrated.

Fast forward to today, and things seem to be worse. The COVID-19 pandemic persists, infecting thousands daily (most recently the President and First Lady).

Social and political unrest continues, and terrible fires in states like California have destroyed homes and people’s lives.

Life feels harder. More uncertain. Less predictable. Maybe you feel this too?

It seems to transcend politics, for I have both conservative and liberal friends who share the same apprehension. A creeping sort of foreboding.

The question is, how do we fix things? How do we restore our spirit?

The size of our universe

The shattered rock, dislodged nest, and presidential debate all siphoned some of the joy out of my life. Sometimes the confluence of negative things in your life can invite mild despair. A melancholy that starts tainting your view of everything. What can you do? Here are five things that seem to be working for me.

Seek the middle way

My Dad was a learned and wise man. He once told me that “the truth often lies in the middle.” He encouraged me to think for myself, read broadly, and learn both sides of an argument. “In the end, Johnny,” Dad said, “sometimes the best path out of a mess is the middle way.”

What Dad meant is to avoid extremes, acknowledge the truths in opposing views, and bend towards compromise. In short, seek win/win scenarios. Throughout my law enforcement career and life, that approach has served me well.

The middle way is a view of life that avoids the extreme of misguided grasping born of believing there is something we can find, or buy, or cling to that will not change. And it avoids the despair and nihilism born from the mistaken belief that nothing matters, that all is meaningless. -Sharon Salzberg

Whether you’re feuding with your spouse, loved ones, or others, try seeking the middle way. This can be hard when you believe you’re in the right, but there can never be lasting peace if one party ends up the loser. Compromise and fairness can make life less hard, and restore your spirit.

Find beauty

There’s a reason people gravitate towards nature, parks, and art museums. We instinctively sense a kind of divinity in nature, and a celebration of something greater than ourselves in fine art.

When I can’t get outside, I sometimes grab a handful of my favorite art books and settle into a comfy chair. I sip a cup of coffee and pore over the art images in those books. Soothing quiet music makes a nice accompaniment.

A few of my art books

Make time for beauty in your life. Birdsong, the wind in the trees, and the beauty of masterful paintings can help restore your spirit.

Help someone

It’s amazing what happens when we step outside of ourselves and help other people.

The size of our universe shrinks considerably when we place ourselves at the center. And the people who are most focused on themselves are the least satisfied in life. -Joshua Becker

Whether it’s grocery shopping for an elderly neighbor or volunteering at your local Grey Bears, the result is that two spirits are uplifted. Yours, and the person you helped.

Keep learning

Education is often the key to solving many of our problems. When life is hard, it’s often because something is broken in our lives.

Maybe it’s your job or relationship? Perhaps you’re frustrated because you lack the skills to reach the next level in a particular discipline?

For example, my first efforts at figure drawing were disappointing. I have years of experience as a cartoonist and landscape painter, but not so much as a figurative artist. My command of anatomy and proportions was lacking.

There was only one answer. I had to study anatomy and figure drawing. So I took online courses and began practicing every day. I have not achieved mastery yet, but my spirits have been lifted by the progress made.

The Internet is free and you can find answers to almost everything if you’re willing to put in the time. And books are gifts that keep on giving. Keep learning, and it will change your life.

Get moving

There’s just something magical about exercise once you get into the habit of it. I’ve had days when I was in a terrible mood, but my dogs insisted on a long walk. Sure enough, by the end of the walk, my mood had lifted.

Exercise is not only good for you, but it releases natural endorphins and has been shown to combat depression. The trick is to create a routine or habit to get you moving because relying solely on will power is not enough.

Regular exercise will lift your spirit and help you through the hard times.

Possibilities in yourself

Life can be hard, and the accumulation of negative things (both small and large) can weigh our spirits down. To answer my earlier question, I do believe that beauty and goodness will hold.

“Look for goodness in others, for beauty in the world, and for possibilities in yourself.” -Wes Fesler

Don’t give up on your own spirit. Remember to seek the middle way, find beauty, help someone, keep learning, and get moving. These five approaches have helped my mood and perspective, and they’ll help yours, too.

We may not be able to repair the shattered rock, return the dislodged nest, or expect a more dignified presidential debate, but we have the power to rescue our own spirits and chart a path towards a brighter future.

Before you go

I’m John P. Weiss, a fine artist and writer. Get on my free email list here for the latest essays and artwork.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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Artworks by John P. Weiss