Humans have many social norms which make no logical sense. Tipping your barista. Spending half the average salary on a wedding. Posting photos of your breakfast on Instagram.
A man paying for the first date is another one of these silly norms.
It made sense back when women weren’t allowed to work — and men were expected to be the sole breadwinners.
Nowadays, women outnumber men in college and are thriving professionally.
Yet, men are still expected to pay.
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There Is No Logical Reason For Men To Pay For Dates
I used to insist that women pay for their half of the date. It felt like they were trying to con me when they didn’t reach for their purse.
Studies suggest that 33% of women have dated men just for the free food — and I didn’t want to be one of the suckers who funded them.
The arguments they make to justify men paying used to annoy the hell out of me too.
I’ve heard women saying they want a “traditional man” despite not being a traditional woman in any sense.
I’ve heard the argument that “whoever extends the invite should pay”, which is convenient since most women will never ask a man out on a date.
I’ve heard that men should pay for a woman’s time because “women are the prize”. The problem here is: women will only date men they perceive as better than them. Do anything to make a woman feel like she’s above you and her attraction will fade.
Having debated this topic for many years, it seems there are no logical reasons for modern men to cover the cost of a first date.
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Nowadays, I Still Pay Anyway…
It might make no logical sense to do so, but women don’t date logically. They follow their emotions.
Most women feel like men should pay for a first date — and that men are cheap if they don’t. I think they’re wrong. But it’s not seductive to try and persuade them that they’re wrong.
There are so many purchases we make for a smoother life. We pay for Uber instead of taking the bus. We hire cleaners instead of dusting our house. I pay for a mechanic to fix my bicycle when it breaks. It’s possible to save money in these areas, but it makes your life harder and less enjoyable.
I see paying for dates the same way. It’s an investment in your date going smoothly.
Her emotions about coming back to your place could flip 180 if there’s conflict once the bill arrives. Some women have been conditioned to believe that making a woman pay means you don’t respect her.
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You Don’t Need To Splash The Cash On A Fancy Date
It’s the connection that makes a first date seductive, not the location.
Most of my dates involve one drink at a bar, a few games of pool and a short walk to my apartment.
You can seduce women at an ice-cream parlor, during a walk in the park or on a coffee date.
When you go on dates like this, the cost is minimal, so the question of who pays becomes trivial.
Now, you don’t have to worry about a woman using you for your money. She doesn’t have to worry about owing you something. You can both relax and enjoy each other, rather than worrying about potential awkwardness when the bill arrives.
Plus, it’s easier to find date spots like this within walking distance of your house. Give her an innocent excuse to join you there and she’ll feel less resistance to coming with you.
My success rate on first dates has skyrocketed ever since adopting this strategy.
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Ultimately, It’s Up To You…
Some men like to take women on expensive first dates and pay for the whole thing. Maybe it makes them feel more masculine and successful. Other guys insist on going Dutch out of principle.
I’m in the business of telling men the most effective ways to date.
That’s why I recommend organising low-key dates and paying for the whole thing.
Throw logic out the window, make peace with paying and you’ll date more successfully.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Guillaume Bolduc on Unsplash
