If I Don’t Visit His Parents He Will Divorce Me

Oscar’s this year surprised me. A lot of wow moments. And one of them was to see Brendan Fraser winning the Oscar for the movie The Whale. I was so happy for him to see that he gets the recognition that he deserves.

Now, let’s get back to our Hot Topic.

Do you have this situation pictured in your mind?

Ok, so let’s dive in.

Let’s say that you are married to the most handsome and financially stable guy that you ever encountered. He is your crush and suddenly after a few years of dating, you get married to him.

There are some red flags here and there, but you compromise and say that it will change over time ’’It’s just a temporary situation’’.

But, the biggest red flag that you underestimated is the toxic relationship that he has with his family.

The poison that you think is the usual medicine

They asked him to be around them all the time, they cry if he doesn’t make at least 1 visit per week and they also have many opinions about you. Everything needs some adjustment and nothing seems to please them.

On the other hand, you try and try to please them but nothing makes a difference. And this behavior repeats itself over and over again. You start building anxiety in your body and your life.

You’re feeling suffocated by his family.

You may think that you are the problem. Starting to have all these thoughts in your mind that ‘’I have to have patience and love them because they are my in-laws’’.

In the meantime, your husband spends a lot of time with his family, having in mind that his presence will silence their egoist claims. But, what he only does is to show them that he obeys them.

Time passes by, and you are done keeping this all to yourself. Suddenly you decide to spill the tea, saying that you are done with them. Telling him to take some distance and to put some boundaries to live a peaceful and happy marriage.

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But, all that he sees is you as being a threat to the nuclear family.

He is going to protect them not you. All this years he was instructed to protect them, not his future wife.

TThat is why he is coming to an ultimatum: ‘’If I Don’t Visit His Parents He Will Divorce Me’’. This is the only solution that he can think of it. Simple, easy, and fast, in his mind.

Yes, in 2023 this scenario still exists. But why is this still happening?

The number 1 reason why this situation appears to this day is that the previous family, the nuclear one, didn’t cut the umbilical cord with the child, now your husband.

They even gave him the role of the prince or the savior. And he must stick to this role no matter what is happening in his life. Is like a contract sign in blood.

You are the new element in that equation that makes the volcano bubble.

This is wrong

They will treat you badly or in extreme cases, they will treat you like you are a terrorist.

They will do anything in their power to create conflicts in your newly created family, even if they do it consciously or unconsciously.

What is wrong in this situation are the fights and the constant conflicts that are happening in the romantic relationship that you have with your husband. And he is blind to see what is wrong.

There is no perfect solution to this matter

What I will suggest to all of you that find yourself in this kind of situation is to take a trip, a vacation alone. If you can afford it, move for 2 months back to your parent’s house. Take distance, have some time for yourself, and remember how good it feels to celebrate life.

You need this time to recharge your batteries and to understand what is happening.

In this period invest in yourself as much as you can. Go to a nail salon, buy some books, learn to dance salsa..etc. Do things for yourself.

You’ve even caught up in this drama and this conflict that you forget about yourself. Your focus needs to change to have better outcomes.

You need to live the other side of life where there are rainbows, happiness, and fluffy clouds in the sky.

Is like writing without looking at what Grammarly says what the general score of your article has.

Just do something for you.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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