If You Want to Go Far, Go Together

by Todd Adams

If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together

~African Proverb

I have always loved swimming, and I especially enjoy it as a form of exercise. For the last few years, I have been swimming laps in the pool every few weeks simply to mix up my workouts. I was at my fitness club a few months ago and they announced the introduction of a swimming team. I’ve never considered being part of a swim team – I believed it was for “people who are good at swimming and do triathlons.” Sure, a coach can help me improve my stroke, but I’m not training for anything – do I really care if my swimming efficiency improves? Plus, they swim at a specific time, and I like the freedom of swimming at a time that works for me, not being on somebody else’s schedule. But for some reason, I signed up.

Here’s how my weekly session typically goes: We meet at 7 AM on Thursdays. Our team is in the pool and our two instructors guide us through a warm-up, then a pre-set where they focus on a specific part of our swimming stroke. Then a main set where we are getting pushed hard, then finally a cool down.

When I swim laps alone, I find myself lazily swimming lap after lap and I am bored. An hour of swimming seems to crawl to its 60-minute conclusion. I am not learning anything and feeling just kind of blah. When I am swimming with my teammates, it is HARD – there is somebody behind me or in front of me pushing me, so I must keep going. I have a coach who is looking at my stroke and making suggestions on how to improve.

But here’s the thing – I love it. I am part of a community and I have a personal relationship with my coaches and other swimmers. It’s exciting to see if I can swim faster than I did last week, and my coaches help me keep track. I am with other swimmers who are doing their best as well. The hour flies by.

How does this relate to MenLiving? In a Zoom or in-person MenLiving space, I am in community with other men who are there to connect and become the best versions of themselves. Our meetings are scheduled, which means there is accountability. I am counting on other guys, and they are counting on me.

We discuss our challenges, but we also laugh a lot. These moments remind us to approach life with a sense of lightness, despite the pressure from our ego to be constantly productive and perform. I cannot do this alone (although our cultural conditioning would say otherwise). I am wired to do my personal growth work with other human beings whether it be a counselor, a coach, or in a MenLiving community space.

It simply doesn’t work as well when I am reading a self-help book or meditating on a cushion. If you’re personally challenged right now, I invite you to one of our spaces to receive the challenge and support you deserve. If your life is pretty good right now, I invite you to one of our spaces so you can challenge and support others.

At the end of the day, I am a more empathic and conscious human being when I am working in a community. I am at my best when surrounded by people. In the words of an African proverb: if you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together.

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Previously Published on Men Living and is republished on Medium.

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Photo credit: iStock