Josh Solar doesn’t need a perfect wife, but he has to resist the urge to try and fix every problem that arises. Instead he says, “I’m with you.”
“I’m with you,” I said to her late last night as we held each other tight. I held her and listened, to all her worries. Tears slowly falling down her cheeks, overwhelmed with stress, wondering how we’re going to pay our bills through the winter. Worried our son might have a relapse. Feeling like she’s letting us all down. Scared to pursue things that matter because we’ve failed in the past and she just doesn’t want to feel that pain again.
“I’m with you,” I repeated. Three words to let her know I hear her. Three words to let her know “You matter to me, my love.” Offering no judgements. Offering no advice. Just listening. Listening and wrapping my arms around her as tight as I can.
“I’m with you.” My wife needed to know, she’s not perfect, and it doesn’t matter at all, because I’m with her. I don’t need a perfect wife. I need a wife who’s not afraid to love with her whole heart. Letting her know I’m here, with her, no matter what…no matter how hard this season of life we’re currently in is, we’re together…fighting through the shit together. Fighting because our lives matter.
Fighting because she’s worth every ounce of joy and pain and suffering and love and her kisses and her touch and belly laughs and late night slow dances and the times when we don’t even have to say anything at all to each other, we just relax into each others arms and the adventures we share with each other and our kids. Our kids deserve a whole separate run on sentence.
It’s all worth it. This life, with her by my side, is worth it.
I’m with you. Three simple words I first heard in Bob Goff’s amazing book, Love Does. These words are powerful. They let someone know it’s OK to open up. That you’ve given them a safe space for them to be themselves, fully. Three words to let someone know they are loved.
And, isn’t that what we want in life the most? To know we’re loved, valued and appreciated? Ultimately, that’s where we find happiness and joy, in those times when we’re completely ourselves, loved and supported 100%.
It’s so easy, to offer advice. I have this innate desire to fix her problems. Especially when my wife is scared or hurting. I want to do anything I can to take away her pain and end her suffering and ease her worries. I want her to be OK and happy. Yet, sometimes, even though I feel I can do this for her, sometimes, all she wants is for me to listen. To just listen and not try and help.
Sharing our worries and fears and problems with others somehow, is enough to help. Saying things out loud, seems to ease their stranglehold they wield so mightily over us.
So, for now, all I want my wife to hear is this… “I’m with you, my love.”
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Originally appeared at The Loveumentary