Is It Tough Being Married to an Alpha Female?

There, I said it. My wife is an alpha female. You must be thinking, wow, this man must either really respect his wife, or he must really fear her. But does it always have to be so black and white?

Why does a person deemed alpha immediately conjure negative thoughts? Is it because of media, society, or just our own insecurities?

Being an alpha is none of the things we imagine. Yes, it’s about being strong, but strength doesn’t have to equate to narcissism, it doesn’t have to equate to being selfish, and it certainly doesn’t have to equate to dominating others.

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An Alpha Partner is The Best Kind of Partner

Many times, we doubt ourselves and our full potential, whether that’s school, our career prospects, social skills or how comfortable we are in relationships.

Even the most successful people on Earth can suffer from this feeling, and that’s why we try to surround ourselves with people that can provide comfort, solace and care. We feel better when they give us a pep talk, tell us that everything will be fine and challenge our views that we can perform a particular task.

So where does an alpha partner fit into all of this? Well, let’s look at one definition from stylist.

‘An Alpha is a leader; she is self-assured, powerful and confident in everything she does, says Spencer.

These personality types don’t hold back, tending to steer the pack in friendships and powerfully lead their teams in work.’

While this description partly refers to how the alpha personality functions in the workplace, it’s not far from how they would be as partners. Wouldn’t you want someone self-assured, assertive and confident?

Someone that can steer you in the right direction when you need it but also handle their own? It’s easy to think of such a personality as arrogant, prideful or a person that doesn’t need anyone, but I’m here to tell you that a true alpha will never possess those traits.

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Life with an Alpha Wife

I love my wife with all my heart. We want the best for each other and help each other with everything, no matter how big or small the task is. At the end of 2022, I was considering moving jobs. Not because I disliked what I was already doing but because I wanted a challenge and an opportunity to progress whilst I was still young and without responsibilities.

It was my wife that helped me uncover my potential. She questioned me about my skills, and through her, I realised that I could make a much bigger career leap than I had first thought. All she did was steer me in the right direction and provide moral support. The rest of the actions were still for me to do.

When it came time to interview, she urged me to watch Youtube videos, conduct thorough research on how to answer particular questions and brush up on my technical knowledge. Of course, these are all things I would’ve done, but that extra push made me fly through every stage. Without her support and encouragement, I would never have been able to land that promotion.

Being an alpha is more than just leading others. It’s about recognising something greater and guiding them to become their best version.

Of course, the earlier example was quite a significant one. What about something more relatable to day-to-day life?

It’s no surprise to those close to my wife and me that she’s a brilliant cook. People often ask us who cooks more or whether we take turns, and our answer is always the same. We cook together.

Yes, we rarely, if ever, cook separately. Being an alpha woman doesn’t mean she feels she rules the roost. On the contrary, she greatly respects me, which we’ll get to in a moment. Now, with cooking, cutting onions isn’t my forte; I always tease her about her hidden talent of being able to cut onions and garlic with such finesse that it makes me laugh just thinking about it.

Her process begins by carefully arranging the chopping board, a small disposable bag to put the food waste in, her go-to knife, and of course, the onions, which must be of a particular type to really get that aroma going during the cooking process.

Why am I telling you all these details? Because reading them without context, would you ever think this is an alpha female? Some might even say this sounds more like the habits of a domestic wife!

But this is what a true alpha wife is. It’s a person willing to take charge but also be there for their spouse when they need them the most. It’s about recognising their talents, not being afraid of menial tasks and taking each day as it comes with a smile on their face.

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Does an Alpha Wife Need an Alpha Husband?

Before I answer this question, I want you to ask yourself whether such a woman would even pursue, let alone marry, someone that wasn’t alpha. But let’s dig a little deeper into what this means.

Being an alpha husband to an alpha wife doesn’t automatically lead to a chaotic and toxic relationship. If anything, it means we value each other’s strengths and weaknesses and are happy to support each other at all times. It means we’re open and communicate our worries, fears, hopes, and desires and never devalue each other’s opinions.

These are not only hallmarks of a fruitful relationship but a sign that you’re both alpha partners. Whenever my wife feels down, I console her. Whenever she’s had a tough day, I remind her about all the beautiful things we’ve managed to achieve together and our planned goals. And whenever she’s happy, I comfort and praise her to bring out that beautiful smile.

This is what an alpha husband does. They’re always there for their partner through the ups and downs and know how to respond to each situation differently.

I wouldn’t say I was an alpha before marriage, but perhaps I always had it within me. It was through my wife that I came to the acceptance that I am, perhaps not in every meaning of the word, but certainly in the context of our relationship.

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When we think about particular words or phrases, it’s easy to have pre-conceived thoughts. Nerd, jock, alpha, and beta all stem from poorly understood notions about us and our society.

Being an alpha doesn’t have to mean being a person who’s obnoxious, arrogant or stuck up. Why can’t it mean someone strong, caring, and unafraid of vulnerability?

So, is being married to an alpha female tough? Not at all. In fact, I wouldn’t change it for the world. My wife is always there for me, has my back and can read my every facial expression. And in turn, I’m always there for her, have her back, and know exactly what’s on her mind.

The real secret to being married to an alpha female? It turns you into an alpha male, the best possible type.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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