How difficult it is to end a good thing…maybe even a great thing!
When it comes to a relationship, it can be quite a rollercoaster.
It starts out fun and exciting as you get to know the other person. The more time spent on each other, the deeper the connection gets. It’s scary because you’ve allowed yourself to be vulnerable with this person. Yet, you find comfort having them in your life.
The connection gets deeper and deeper, and it only makes sense to be an item. You guys are the new and improved PB&J. The PB&J remix if you will.
Its a start of a new relationship and it’s exciting like an excited photon with very high potential energy. You wish it could be like this forever and a day.
But just like any photon that’s been elevated to a higher level, this state is unstable. Meaning, it can only be at that level for so long until it has to go back down to the ground state.
As time goes on and all newness of the relationship gets exhausted, problems and/or disagreements start to happen. Or at least, now you begin to notice it more now than before.
Maybe you realize that the other person is not who you thought they were.
But have you ever wonder if they also felt the same way?
Been There, Done That
Most of us go through several relationships that just don’t work out.
Sometimes it’s unfortunate, considering how much time and effort relationships take to create and build. But just because it’s been 1 year, 15 years, or 100 years, it is sometimes necessary to realize that things aren’t working out for either of you.
It’s not uncommon for things to not work out. After all, we are always evolving. Our goals sometimes change, things get postponed, opportunities come into view when we don’t expect them, and etc.
Life is not as linear as we’d sometimes like them to be. But the environment around us influences the way we think and make decisions.
Sometimes how we end up deciding to live our lives just doesn’t align with the other person anymore.
And that’s okay.
Don’t Blame Anyone, Even Yourself.
Sometimes there is a lot of blame on ourselves or the other person for things not working out because blaming is the easiest thing to do.
Blame means not taking ownership of a situation.
Blame is not looking at the situation from a different perspective.
Blame is a negative emotion that doesn’t resolve anything.
Blame is sometimes how we negatively convince ourselves or the other person that they or we were wrong.
Blame doesn’t do anyone any good.
When a relationship ends, it is not always because of you or the other person. Although it also could be.
But nonetheless, people grow apart, naturally.
Realize That Change Is Good
From what I’ve seen, most relationships end because the other person “changed” or because the other person wasn’t who they thought they were. But I’m here to tell you that this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Imagine if someone was 50 years old who still had the maturity of a 16-year-old because this person did not change.
What if someone had a drug addiction, overdosed, and kept doing drugs because they never learned the consequences of their actions?
What if someone who was destined to work a minimum wage job decided to stay there and not seek better opportunities for themselves because society said that they weren’t meant to pursue anything more significant?
What if no one changed at all? It wouldn’t be fair.
Change is good.
Change is great.
Change is how we learn.
If a person never changed, then what’s the point?
Everything that happens, good or bad, produces some kind of result. It may not be the result you want, nor may it be the results you expect.
Change is how we develop ourselves, and because of this, we shouldn’t accuse people of changing.
But I understand entirely why…people are unhappy because the other person changed.
It’s because the other person changed into someone who didn’t meet our needs and/or expectations.
And if that’s the case, it’s totally ok to end things. It will be difficult, but necessary if you and the other person aren’t in-sync in values and maturity.
Especially in a relationship. You’d want to grow and change in the same direction and hopefully at the same rate.
When Things Don’t Work Out, Accept It
It’s called “Life.”
Think about the times when things just didn’t work out for you.
Maybe you got a parking ticket because you parked on the wrong side of the street. After all, you completely forgot what day it was.
Maybe you went on a date with a nice guy and thought there was potential, but in the end, the kiss just wasn’t great.
Maybe you applied to a job after spending hours and hours creating an award-winning resume only to get rejected before even getting an interview.
Maybe you moved into a new apartment with your best friend to find out that moving in together was a mistake.
When things don’t work out, its not the end of the world.
Was It A Mistake? Or Was It A Lesson?
The definition of a mistake is “an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong.” Synonyms included “error,” “fault,” “fail.”
The word “mistake” is written with all types of negativity. However, it depends on the context.
I sometimes believe that things happen for a reason, good or bad.
If the outcome is good! Then GREAT!
If the outcome was bad or a disaster, did you learn from it?
Relationships As Learning Experiences
Relationships don’t exist without effort. That’s for damn sure!
Instead of thinking negatively about the relationship, ask yourself what you learned from being with this person or situation.
Change your way of thinking. Not only will you learn more about yourself but also go into your new relationship with a different mindset. Of course, I am hoping for anyone.
When relationships end is almost like there are two sides: a winner and a loser.
However, I firmly believe that the person who learns the most in any situation will always be the winner.
Ask yourself this:
- Why did it end?
- What did you learn from it?
- What did you learn about yourself?
- What can you do to make things better?
In conclusion…
Change is a good thing, and just like the moon, we all go through phases.
Be open to change.
Relationships come and go but rarely are they mistakes. Instead, each relationship is a lesson, a learning experience. Whatever happens, take what you learned and be thankful.
The only mistake you can make in a relationship is to stay in it when neither of you is benefiting from it.
You know the saying, “When one door closes, another opens”?
Be open to new opportunities and new relationships. But also be prepared to learn about yourself no matter what the outcome.
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This post was previously published on Change Becomes You.
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