Losing the Spark in Your Long-Term Relationship? Here Are 5 Ways To Get It Back

One friend who just got into a relationship asked me if I ever got bored with my partner. And the answer to that is, of course, there were times when things became stagnant and not “exciting” at all. In a couple of months, it’s going to be 6 years, so I know better what to expect.

So far from what romantic movies out there, it’s just unrealistic to think that unless you have those butterflies feelings all the time, then it’s not the “right” relationship.

So what do I usually do to make it enjoyable again? Depending on the phase that we both are at. I believe that life isn’t going to be consistently stable, so the same thing goes with your love life. And it comes with different phases each time, but there is always something we can work together to keep it going.

Go for a Weekend Trip

If this is something you and your partner already like to do, then you may skip to the next point.

During my time living together with my boyfriend last year, we always make sure to go for a trip even if it’s only for two days. We’d visit a town we’ve never been to and explore new places together.

Until now, I still can’t describe how big the difference in our relationship is every time we do that. I remember that one trip to Tofino has helped us rebuild the strong connection that was almost dead before.

However, this makes sense and is such a great idea because when you spend some time together without the day-to-day responsibilities and just fully being present with your partner, you start noticing new things about them, and that has the potential to create sparks again.

What You Can Do:

Travel together to somewhere new and make sure you are off from work. Otherwise, it won’t be as impactful as it can be. It’s also fun to schedule activities together such as skiing, swimming at the lakes, or hiking.

Change the Routines

Changing the routine is something that my partner and I always do first to spice things up in our relationship. From sexual activity to small things like doing chores, we change them.

If I feel like I spend too much time writing on my laptop before bed, I will try to move it to first thing in the morning, so I could cuddle more with him. We even change the day for our grocery shopping together once in a while, so it won’t feel like a drag.

Depending on your situation right now, there’s always something you can change together. Small things do matter. In fact, you don’t really need big things in life to happen all the time to appreciate your partner.

What You Can Do:

Planning new things out can be super fun, especially when you’ve been stuck with the mundane for too long. So, write it down what things in your daily schedule that you can change together and do them one thing at a time.

Do Something You’ve Never Done Before — For Them

Who doesn’t like a surprise? While some don’t, but most people do like a surprise from their partner. This can mean a lot more for those who are already in a long-term relationship.

But you know what’s more exciting? If you can do something entirely new for your partner. Maybe they already know your routine of giving them flowers or going to a romantic restaurant. So to bring up the old sparks, you can try out something you’ve never done before.

Whenever I get it from my partner, I feel even more appreciated and loved. In an unspoken way, it’s reassuring that he still wants to put effort into the relationship. It also makes the communication between us better.

Revisit the Big Goals Together

Sometimes when you are with someone for years, you tend to forget the bigger picture. This is because you both get too comfortable and think that as long as you still love each other, anything else can “wait”.

But revisiting the goals in the relationship can also help to restart it into a fresh mode again. Remember that first year where you wanted to travel together? Maybe get out of the country and live somewhere abroad? Or even the big goal like buy a house? Make time to have a conversation on that once in a while.

While you also need to be mindful not to do this too much, reminding each other about the big goals can create excitement. It makes the process to get there a little bit easier and less tiring. And most importantly, you’ll appreciate each other more because you know you work hard on it hand in hand.

Take a Small Break Once a While

People would freak out when they heard the B-word. I’m not talking about that “break” stage where two people are already thinking to call it quits. Here it’s more of taking space for yourself.

You’ve probably ever heard this quote that says:

“Relationships are like birds. If you hold tightly, they die. If you hold loosely, they fly. But if you hold with care, they remain with you forever.” — unknown.

In another way, it’s also important to be with yourself and do things outside your relationship. You can’t miss them if you are around them 24/7. Many long-term couples find it hard to miss each other again because they are caught up with the same routines every day.

What You Can Do:

If your partner isn’t familiar with this concept of “taking space for me” yet, then it’s your job to make them understand first. Because there are lots of misunderstandings around this topic out there, so you need to make sure you deliver your thought and suggestion without hurting your partner. Your goal here is to strengthen the relationship — not ruining it.

. . .

The reality is a healthy and stable relationship doesn’t just come like that. It takes solid teamwork from time to time. This also means how you deal with those boring stages determines whether or not the relationship is good for you.

Therefore putting the effort to spice things up is necessary — though it’s not always comfortable and easy.

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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