Shakespeare said, “To thine own self be true.” Love and heal thine own self, too. In the First Noble Truth of Buddhism, there will always be suffering in life. The Fourth Noble Truth is the path to end suffering. Life is about finding that path.
My Spiritual Twin, Actor and Martial Artist Dolph Lundgren said, “You have to love yourself.” Dolph is 4th degree black belt in Kyokushin Karate. I’m 5th black belt in Aikido. We grew up with abusive fathers. As kids getting beat on or yelled at we could either fight which was not really an option, escape, also not an option, or freeze. We just froze. I balled up all my fear and anger inside me. Unfortunately, all that fear and anger eventually come out sometime.
Dolph and I both found our outlet in martial arts. We could let out our fear and anger in a constructive and more appropriate way. Fortunately, we had good Sensei’s. Dolph had the late Oyama Sensei. I had the late Mizukami Sensei.
The purpose of Martial Arts isn’t about being some badass. The purpose of Martial Arts is to be a good person, to be a good man. Aikido Founder Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” I overcome myself, not others. That’s true Badass. Dolph and I participated in therapy to heal our childhood trauma and depression. Dolph is 6’ 5” and ruggedly handsome. I’m 5’ 3” and not so handsome. Still, we’re Spiritual Twins in purpose, in life.
The Second Noble Truth of Buddhism is the source of suffering. Our abusive fathers and childhood trauma were the sources of our suffering. I can’t do anything about the source or do anything about the past. Lady MacBeth said, “What’s done cannot be undone.” I learned to love and forgive myself on the path to end suffering. I lightened the fuck up. I love and heal me. We all can do the same. Just train.
Ishibashi Sensei said, “No one cares that you’re scared.” Yes, my fear inside is all on me. As a little boy growing up at home, Dad scared me to my soul. Whatever I did or didn’t do only made him so angry at me. I was not the son that he wanted. Throughout much of my adult life, I feared that I’m not good enough. That I never would be.
The late Mizukami Sensei taught me Aikido for 25 years before he passed away. Sensei was a father, who taught me to be a good man. He said, “Just train. It’s not like you have to get somewhere.” He generated the space to be me and invent the greater-than versions of myself. For the first time in my life, I was no longer scared to be me.
The late Mizukami Sensei taught Ishibashi Sensei and me. Now, Ishibashi Sensei is my Sensei. Sensei said, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” I invite the attack. I don’t oppose the attack. I don’t aggress against aggression. I enter the attack and die with honor. I enter what I fear.
In the center of the attack, in the danger, I let the attacker pass or end the attack. The attacker takes the fall or stands down from their attack. We both choose. I could win or lose. The attacker could win or lose. What happens, happens. I’m not the Baddest Man on Planet Earth. I’m always my Baddest Opponent on Planet Earth.
Ishibashi Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido is to release your fear.” When the 250-pound man comes to punch me, I wait it out. I enter the attack. I take a glancing blow if I have to. I’m not always going to go unscathed. It’s one time.
Every time I enter the attack, enter what I fear, I let go of my fear inside that I’m not good enough, that I don’t deserve love. Although my fear inside may never completely disappear, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more of my fear inside. No one cares that I’m scared. That’s all on me. I let go my fear inside. I forgive and heal me.
My source of suffering is my abusive childhood. For others, their source of suffering might be the trauma of physical and sexual abuse. All our suffering is profoundly valid and profoundly real. We can’t do anything about the source of our suffering. We can’t do anything about the past. The past is the past.
On my path to end suffering, I love and heal me. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I work on myself, not on others. That’s all I can do. In the Japanese aesthetic wabi-sabi: There is beauty in imperfection. There is beauty in my imperfection. There is beauty your imperfection. I accept who I am and who I’m not. I have mad love and compassion for others and for me. I love and heal mine own self. Amen.
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Photo credit: Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash
