If you are like me, you suffer from “delayed attraction syndrome” when dating. To put it simply, I rarely know if I am attracted to a potential partner until a few dates in. Only then will I figure it out.
Why?
Because I need a certain amount of familiarity with a man in order to clarify to myself whether or not I am attracted to him. The discomfort of the newness slows me down. And according to plenty of women, it does them too.
Attraction isn’t always immediate, which is something that really needs to be said in a society that pushes “immediacy” at every turn. To that same end, lack of “attraction at first sight” may have nothing to do with the other person at all. Or it may, and then it’s simply not a match.
But in the case that it doesn’t and you merely need the space to become comfortable enough with the person sitting across from you to open the door to the possibility that “you just might find him attractive”, there is nothing wrong with that. Take the time. Plenty of wonderful relationships begin this way and certainly some of the most solid, long-lasting ones do.
It is better that you respect how you work than become trapped by velocity, ultimately tossing away something that could have been exactly what you have been looking for had you only slowed down your roll. We, daters, need to give ourselves permission to decelerate if need be when it comes to ascertaining attraction. Personally, I normally give myself a few times out with someone – at least two – to figure out if I am attracted to him or not. I never haven’t had my answer by then.
So if you suffer from “delayed attraction syndrome” (or DAS for short), don’t fret. You’re normal, albeit a bit more complex, but so is dating in today’s modern world. In this, you are perfectly matched.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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