I wouldn’t say I am either an introvert or an extrovert. I find myself somewhere in between. Over the years, I have been on both sides of the table. For some, I have been an introvert, for others I was more outgoing where they became introverts. In the midst of all this, it hit me that some little things are all you need to embrace to make loving an introvert a pleasurable experience for both.
Loving an introvert: Don’t judge them by the clock
A lot of people come along with the belief that “My life is an open book”. While this is a great philosophy to live by, introverts might not feel the same way. Loving an introvert is about accepting that they are private by nature. They may not talk about their entire life with you on the very first date. This doesn’t mean that they don’t find you interesting or don’t trust you enough. In hindsight, I see how many girls I just gave up on because I thought they didn’t find me interesting enough. Turns out they just needed more time to open up and I was in a hurry.
Follow up on subtle signs
Coming from the fact that most introverts are not by nature very expressive publicly, you might need to pick on subtle signs. For instance, recently, I was at a bar and a cute girl gave me half a smile. Expecting she would come and things would move ahead, I kept sitting there for almost an hour. Confused, I just thought it wasn’t my day, but I don’t know what hit me and I went to her booth and asked her if she wanted to get a drink. We met a couple of times after that and she later confessed that she had been thinking about making the first move throughout the evening, but could muster up the courage only for that smile.
So, don’t be afraid of making the first move and do not definitely miss such subtle gestures. However, if your first move is not welcome, respect their space and move along.
Connect on a deeper level
While having a conversation is the best way to connect, introverts generally crave connection on a deeper level. As an ambivert, when I meet someone who is more outgoing than me, I turn into an introvert somehow and conversations don’t come naturally to me. This is what happened recently. I went out with a bubbly girl who had so much to talk about and we spent the entire evening chatting. I did enjoy the conversation, but what I enjoyed more was what happened later. We went to a park close by and gazed into the sky, watching the sparkling stars. That’s when I realized what connecting on a deeper level meant.
Take one step at a time
It is natural for most people to make plans for the next time if your date is going well. Sounds familiar? However, it might be a little overwhelming for your introvert partner. Firstly, introverts do not enjoy socializing as you might like, and may not be the ideal choice to take to every event or gathering you plan to attend. At the same time, they prefer taking things slow and if you bombard them with plans, it might just make them uncomfortable. Loving an introvert does not mean there won’t be a second date. You should definitely propose one, but maybe after the first one is over and definitely, don’t go overboard.
Respect their preferences and boundaries
It might be normal for you to spend a night at a friend’s place or make an impromptu plan for dinner with colleagues. While there is no need to change your instantaneous attitude, it is important to be cognizant of the preferences and boundaries of your partner. Generally, introverts do not prefer making impromptu plans because they need time to process plans and prepare themselves. Small things like going for an unplanned meal after a movie might be nothing to you, but for them, it can be a deal breaker. Loving an introvert is about being empathetic, not forcing them for something they are not up for and making a genuine attempt to make them feel comfortable.
Loving an introvert: The first step
If you look closely, online matrimony and dating apps can be the perfect place for you to start loving an introvert. More often than not, introverts prefer and are good at expressing their feelings in writing than talking. You might want to start with apps like WeHitched and once they are comfortable, meeting in real life is the natural next step!
Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: Fifty First Dates