Editor’s note: Phil Bohlender wrote this piece previous to his unexpected death earlier this month. We publish it as a tribute to him, and because it is just like him to have provided us with a guide to mourn the loss of this gentle, thoughtful man. RIP, Phil.
In some cases, the LOSS is of something that we had that we no longer have such as a friendship, or relationship. Many of us have had the setbacks that come with losing a friend or spouse or even a family member due to unforeseen circumstances.
Fortunately, when we lose something like a friend or family member, we can build new relationships with other people. This is never the case when we lose someone to death.
The sadness that comes when we lose someone from our lives in the most permanent way, can sometimes be debilitating and painful. It is the sadness that overcomes us when we least expect it because we are thinking of a loved one who is no longer with us.
Sadness can be triggered when we watch a tv show or movie and the storyline hits close to home. We can become deeply sad when we are around people who remind us of our loved one who is no longer with us.
Sadness has a life cycle and must be given it chance to be expressed.
Sorrow has a deeper impact on us in that we are distressed and disappointed by what might have been if the person had only lived. The emotions associated with sorrow have a longer-lasting effect on us as we move into the future without the person in our lives.
Sorrow asks that we be patient with ourselves for the things that are outside of our control.
My MOM passed away last August and I continue to experience deep sadness and lingering sorrow. I have found three things that seem to support me in making peace with the feelings and their presence in my life.
While these three things might seem like one, in reality, each one does something different to support me in dealing with the LOSS.
Sit in Silence: Find the time and space to be surrounded by quiet. Create an environment around you that is void of noise and be open to the feelings and thoughts that fill in the silence.
Sit Still: Be motionless in a world that is frantically moving around you. Allow yourself to be still amid any uncomfortable feelings that might come up.
Sit with Feelings: Invite the grief-related feelings to come and be with you. Give them the attention you would give to a loved one when you are with them.
LOSS is personal and private when it comes to the sadness and sorrow that we feel, like a cloud no two experiences will be the same. We do our best to push through it when all that we are required to do is live with it.
LOSS is Loving Ourselves in Sadness and Sorrow.
How might you be gentler and kinder with yourself as you experience LOSS?
What are some of the ways that you can invite the grief emotions into your life so you can make peace with them?
What do you say yes to when you are in grief over LOSS that supports your experience?
With much gratitude…
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