The late Mizukami Sensei said that I could be in a bad mood, be angry, or don’t even want to practice before Aikido Class. Once I get on the Aikido mat, I just train. I leave all my shit off the mat. I could take back my shit after practice. My choice. Yeah, I left my shit behind. Just saying.
Maybe kindness works in much the same way. It’s easy for me to be kind to others when things go my way, when others show me some love and give their kindness. When things don’t go my way, when others hate on me, it’s difficult to be kind. I work on myself, not on others. That’s all on me. I give up being right and don’t make others wrong, including me. Again, just saying.
O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “There are no contests in the Art of Peace. A true warrior is invincible because he or she contests with nothing. Defeat means to defeat the mind of contention that we harbor within.” I’m always my GOAT (Greatest of All-Time) opponent. It’s me against me. I have nothing to do with what goes on inside someone else. I do have a say in what goes on inside me.
In Aikido, Ishibashi Sensei says, “Apply the (Aikido) technique to yourself.” I don’t oppose the attack. I don’t aggress against aggression. I work on myself, not on the attacker. Everything quiet. In the center of the attack, in the danger, I can be kind when I don’t want to be. I can give kindness to those who are unkind. I’m responsible for the possibility of kindness. I choose to give kindness or not.
When the 250-pound man comes to punch, I wait it out. I enter the attack and die with honor. I match his attack with mine. I take a glancing blow if I have to. I’m not going unscathed. It’s one time. I stand in profile, not giving the attacker an open target. I move off the kensen (line of attack). I draw the attacker to my center. I apply kotegaeshi (wrist lock) to myself, and that occurs as yoko-iriminage (strike to the side of the head) on the attacker. I don’t defend against the attack. If I defend, I can be defeated.
I let the attacker pass or end the attack. The attacker takes the fall or stands down from his attack. We both choose. I choose to give kindness or not and the attacker chooses to accept my kindness or not. I can be kind in the attack or not. I choose. O-Sensei said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” It’s only me against me. I can be kind even when I don’t want to be kind. I open up. Keep my heart open. Keep moving forward.
I publish weekly Good Men Project posts with my editor L M Blacker. I write about loving and forgiving thine own self to find one’s path to end suffering. What I continually work on, too. That’s meaningful to me. Perhaps, others find that meaningful, as well.
On my path, I suffered my abusive childhood and throughout much of my adult life. On my path to end suffering, I just train. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. Perhaps, those reading my posts keep their hearts open and discover their own path to end suffering. Given the number of post shares, Li M and I have made a difference in some way. We’re grateful and humbled.
I share my posts with dear friends and family. Most generously read them. Some graciously reply back. Others go dark. That’s on me. I get it. Whatever I wrote didn’t make a difference for them. I work on myself, not on them. It’s about what I have to do and what I have to give up so that I can make a difference. I let go. Get out of my own way. Just train.
In the bigger picture, I put kindness out there in the world. Maybe kindness sticks… People either accept kindness or not. They choose. Still, I’m kind even when I don’t want to be. Just saying.
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Photo credit: Japheth Mast on Unsplash