Nature of Expectations Define the Future of Relationships

When we are children, our parent-figures are responsible for meeting our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Most of us were raised by wounded parents who didn’t access any information on meeting those needs, incredibly emotional needs. When these emotional needs aren’t met in childhood, they don’t just go away. We become desperate to have them met in another adult.

We project these unmet needs (unconsciously) onto our romantic partners.

saved, or rescued by our partners. This is why so many of us betray ourselves or enable another person just so that we aren’t abandoned. This is why so many of us believe in the illusion of happily ever after: we want the unconditional love we didn’t experience as children.

As we heal, adult relationships stop becoming childhood re-enactments, they evolve to safe spaces of mutual evolution. We no longer place the pressure on our partners, meeting all of our needs, reading our minds, or sacrificing partners themselves to ‘make’ us happy.

We allow another person ( ourselves) freedom, self-expression, clear boundaries, curiosity rather than judgment.

The things we all (at our core) so desperately want from another, most of us have never received.

Unrealistic relationship expectations

• My partner should make me happy.
• My partner should ‘know’ how I feel.
• My partner shouldn’t be attracted to other people.
• All of my needs should be met by my partner.
• My partner should place my needs before their own because self-sacrifice is a part of love.
• Our traditions, roles, and values should be the same.
• My partner should unconditionally support me or my view of things.

In the realistic relationship

• My partner isn’t responsible for my happiness.
• My partner cannot know how I feel unless I openly communicate it.
• Attraction to others is normal and human.
• We work to openly meet our own needs and communicate our needs to each other.
• We have clear boundaries. We encourage freedom to find the best version of ourselves.
• We consciously co-create our traditions, roles, and values as a unit.
• We speak uncomfortable truths and hold a safe space for mutual growth and evolution.

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Previously Published on medium

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