“Josh, at some point, you will have to figure out how to be happy, even when you don’t have what you want.”
Pleading a bit, Josh answered, “But, Dad, how can I be happy when I don’t have what I want?”
“Well, Son, you could always be happy with what you do have.”
Josh just stared at me.
I don’t believe it was the answer he wanted.
I wouldn’t have wanted it either.
It’s hard to be happy when you think the object of your desire — the job, the woman, the man, the children, the house, the money, the body, the sex — will be what ultimately makes you happy.
It’s all fleeting, though.
It can certainly make you happy for a moment, but that moment too, shall pass.
And then, I have to pursue the next event and the next thing or the next person to be happy. A never-ending cycle of pursuit but not truly attaining.
A friend of mine helped me see this. He had just purchased a brand-new red Porsche Turbo and was driving from Los Angeles to Chicago. He made a pit stop in Nebraska to see me.
While we were catching up, he asked me,
“Do you know what the best thing about buying a new Porsche is?”
“No, Fred, what is it?”
“It’s the second before the salesman hands the keys to you!”
Isn’t that the truth?
We can burn with desire for something, and then as soon as we possess it, it loses a little bit of its shine.
There is an antidote, of course.
Appreciation.
Gratitude.
Thankfulness.
It’s been a rough lesson to learn for me.
I fought, kicking and screaming at times.
But going through the act of pursuing gratefulness in my life has made all the difference in my attitude and my outcomes. Things are just better and here is how I do it.
I find time each morning to write a Gratitude List. Five bullet points about things I am grateful for. The trick to making this work, you can’t repeat the things you’ve listed.
I can’t say I have mastered this completely yet, but I’m enjoying the work I put into it. And the joy and peace I get out of it.
I was always so invested in the stories I would tell myself about myself and the world. You know the ones—those stories where everyone else is wrong, and I’m always right.
Or the other ones where I don’t deserve this thing in my life, and it’s an egregious injustice to me.
It’s been especially hard with Josh’s accident and the resulting difficulties. It seems as if there is an injustice there.
But what if it is more than that?
What if, instead of an injustice, it is an opportunity?
An opportunity for me (as well as Josh) to become a better, more complete version of ourselves. It’s been hard to see that, although, in my gut, I knew within a few days of the accident that is exactly how it could be.
Unfortunately, I started to see, and focus on, the negatives and couldn’t see the positives.
And they were profound.
The more I see this as a possibility for me to learn, the more it becomes just that.
I’m still human.
There are times when I jump in the pool of Self-Pity, get out, and immediately take a shower in Anger.
Where is your pain?
Is there a possibility in there for something else? Is something better for you and your happiness?
I would bet there is.
The first step is to believe there is something else, that something better is actually possible.
And that something may already exist right in front of us.
Keep the Faith. Love Wins.
© 2023 Mark Goblowsky, All Rights Reserved
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