I am writing this on the day I hoped wouldn’t come for the past 8 weeks. As each hour passes, I am closer to having to make my return to work after a wonderful, adventurous, and meaningful paternity leave.
Right after our son was born, my wife began her much-needed maternity leave for twelve weeks. For me, however, I was granted five days before returning to work. After spending three of those days in the hospital, I felt like my time with my son was over before it started. I was quickly back to the hustle and bustle and the thirteen-hour days. I’d think about work while at work, constantly missing my family, and then return home worrying about my job performance, the materials due the next day, or some random task I had failed to complete that day.
Truthfully, I found my quick return to work, my responsibilities as a father of two, and my role as a husband more than overwhelming. I found it debilitating. I was not a father, I was not a husband, I was a robot moving through life, detached from my children and my wife. They existed on one track in life, while I somehow operated on a completely different one.
It didn’t impact my relationship with my wife. She operated like a true partner, giving me my space, my time, while continuing to include me when I tried disengage.
It didn’t impact my relationship with our firstborn. I was familiar with her. She was easy to take care of because I knew exactly what I was doing. There was no learning curve because I had already gone through the learning years previously, so I made it my role to play with, care for, and communicate with her mostly.
It greatly impacted our newborn.
He was new, unknown, unfamiliar, and I couldn’t figure out how to fit him into my life without throwing me off my track. The only word I can truly use to describe it would be disconnect. I felt disconnected from him and, at times, from my family. I’d researched depression symptoms in men multiple times a day. I was looking, anywhere, for a reason, I felt this way.
Then my leave began. No, things did not change overnight, but I was blessed with the time to reconnect with my children, my wife, but most importantly the partner and father I want to be. I no longer feel disconnected, like I’m on my own track, but instead, feel an immense amount of gratitude that I got any time at all. I fear where I would be, and where my family would be if I didn’t.
I share this story for two reasons.
- Men also struggle after childbirth. This isn’t to say men struggle more than women. It is simply to point out that life-changing events impact everyone in a family in different ways.
- Parental leave is VITAL for families. Every single man and woman should be granted paid-parental leave to bond with their children, to support their partners, and not have to think about anything other than the health and happiness of themselves and their family.
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Previously Published on briantownsend.com and is republished on Medium.
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