• It’s been a while since I’ve gotten a pedicure; I really needed one (especially since I mowed the lawn barefoot this morning).
• Is the manicure lady judging me and my green toenails?
• Who cares. *shrug*
• I’m pretty sure I hate my job, and I got my certifications to prove a point to myself (and everyone else). I was determined to survive and thrive through the most crushing experiences of my life.
• Could my crippling depression and unhealed trauma create a blurry negative lens on everything in my life right now? Perhaps. *shrugs again*
• If it’s not what I want to do — what do I want to do?
• I’m three years into the medical field, and all I want to do is be a professional writer — more than ever. But I’m light-years away from paying rent (in CA) or making money angels on my kitchen floor with my measly freelancing income.
• So now what?
• I’m hungry and thirsty.
• I can’t wait to see the kids tonight. I can’t believe my baby girl turned ten today; I can’t believe the little human I pushed out of my body ten years ago only spends half her time with me now.
• Yeeeeeoooowwwza! My feet are insanely ticklish! *squeal!*
• Ahh, it feels so good to get my toes done today. That sense of restoration and revitalization you get from the gentle human touch is priceless (yet pricey at the same time).
• I’m glad I finally got my life together, uncrippled myself from depression momentarily, and got French tips on my toes!
• Amazing what a little self-care can do for your anxiety.
• At $60 a pop, who can afford to get this done more than once a year?
• Financial goal #1: budget for a pedicure every six months without breaking the bank.
• I’m still hungry and thirsty.
• Is a $5 tip enough?
• Sculptured eyebrows and pedicured toes — that’s all I want in life.
• I have zero regrets about getting my eyebrows microbladed; I haven’t felt this good about my eyebrows since my wedding day. And I’m not saying I pawned my wedding ring to pay for permanent makeup seventeen years later — but it is the best $500 I’ve ever spent.
• Actually, no, that’s a lie. I cried like a baby when I sold my ring for attorney’s fees. I was trying to sound all nonchalant like my divorce didn’t absolutely Rip. Me. To. Unidentifiable. Shreds. But if anyone reads anything else I publish — clearly, it’s made me a little loopy.
• How do these pedicurists scrub feet and paint toes all day?
• Anyone could make a similar comment about my job.
• Back to that: It’s only been three months, and I am already disheartened; that’s not a great sign; it’s a bright red flag warning in Mental Health City, right?
• What got me into Caregiving in the first place?
• I’m a natural; I love caring for people. It was a job I was pretty confident I could do even with a decade-worth of zero work experience; I loved my clients, and the schedule was incredibly flexible.
• I am excited to be one with nature and my kids tomorrow. However, I am sad that I’m doing it alone for the second year in a row.
• I must shave before camping in the wilderness and swimming in the lake.
• I am keeping the packing list simple this year; it’s nice. I’m on a mini minimalism mission, thank you very much.
• I am craving some watermelon beer and might drink a can with reckless abandon while I strum my guitar by the campfire.
• Or I’ll drink half a can and call it a night at 9 pm. Either way, I’m having fun with my babes.
• I’m working on losing a little more weight, but I’ve decided that I’m going to love myself, be myself, and have a memorable camping trip in the Redwoods with my two favorite people in the whole universe, no matter what I weigh.
• I’m pretty sure I have…Omg, never stop massaging my calves, kind pedicure lady!
• Anyway, as I was saying, I’m pretty sure I’m off the charts on the ADHD spectrum. I’ll review the results of my evaluation with my therapist next month.
• It would explain a lot.
• Nope — I don’t think the manicure lady thought a $5 tip was enough.
• That would be cool if CNAs got tipped too.

Thank you for reading. You are loved. ❤

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