I saved a special piece of my heart for someone deserving of it. For someone who would cherish it and be gentle with it. A piece that had been tucked away for safe keeping and protection. I believe there was a moat, draw bridge, and huge wall around it as well because you can never be too secure. I truly never imagined actually sharing that piece of my heart with anyone again. It had been a little tattered and torn. Situations in the past had not been gentle with that piece of my heart. So, it stayed locked away, safe.
Someone quite special came along and the day came when I felt I could unlock that piece of my heart. It was time to give love fully in a way I had been scared to for a very long time. I began to trust the person, the relationship, and myself. Ever so slowly, I let down the walls I had built for safe keeping of my heart. I was trusting and loving with every piece of me. Days turned into weeks and weeks became months and with each new day my love grew as he held my heart in his hand.
It turns out not everyone you trust with your heart will be gentle with it. Sometimes people just don’t know what to do with those tattered pieces. The fact is, not everyone you love will love you back. It causes a nearly unbearable amount of pain to realize someone doesn’t love you. It feels as if you are literally experiencing your heart tearing apart. Especially when you trusted them with the pieces of your heart that had been protected for so long.
I began to question myself and quickly found my trust in myself was dissipating. There was an overthinking party happening in my head. Did I love too much? Not enough? What did I do? What didn’t I do? And the big one, why doesn’t he love me? The questions were endless and haunting. It is impossible to answer any one of those questions. What it comes down to is some people just won’t love you back. There is no other explanation.
This is not my first dance with heartbreak, hence the tattered pieces. I know that I will once again pick up the pieces of my heart and place them back where they belong. I may leave the walls down this time. I haven’t yet decided. I have learned I will be more cautious with my emotions. I have also learned how powerful it is to love hard and with my full tattered and torn heart, even if the person doesn’t love me back. Time heals all wounds.
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