My friend Brian is ambitious and fearless. He got married, and if that weren’t enough, had a child (though, I have never had a daughter, maybe it is easier) and decided to grow his own vegetables, and we think some herbs (not his own Herb Sendeks, head coach of the Arizona State Devils basketball team, but cilantro, and stuff, though rumor has it that Herb Sendek is on the “hot seat” and may need a job, soon , I am not sure Brian can afford to pay that much, even for a fully mature Herb). We intend to find out which herbs are there and issue a full report.
To Brian, it is not just a garden, it is a passion. He speaks, glowingly, about his vegetables, and builds little wooden enclosures so they can not escape. If that isn’t enough, he puts them in little cages or ties them to wooden sticks.
Brian makes homemade soups, stews, and sauces, from his freshly picked tomatoes, carrots, onions, and vegetables to be named later. It is almost like being friends with the Amish. Maybe we need a “Brian Mafia” show. It would not be much of a show, Brian is pretty relaxed about most things. Though, a show about a polite, one man mafia, growing stuff in Central Ohio might be just what the country needs to get past the scandals and division of this century. It might be just what we need to bring us closer together, thank you, Brian.
Brian takes no shortcuts with his gardening, either, he starts the plants from seeds and nurses them through early childhood. Often he does this with seeds pulled from the previous years garden. Which is not only thrifty but danged difficult, too. Brian laughs in the face of difficulty, politely and with good manners of course.
There is no way, any more to list all of the things that are grown in the Garden Of Brian, no one knows for sure. It is a lot, a salad bar, in the ground, without the dressing, croutons, cheese and other things that are so difficult to grow in this climate. Don’t worry, though, he is working on those, in his top-secret, underground horticultural lab. Next year he hopes to add a little crouton bush and maybe a shredded cheddar tree, both are still in development.
Of course, as with any enterprise worth the effort, growth is crucial to success, so there are plans to add chickens to the operation. The timetable on this is a little sketchy, but as soon as we know we will post it here. We are trying to talk him out of cattle, with limited success so far.
But, if you see a smiling person, too nice to be in the mafia, holding a shovel and sporting a green thumb it is probably Brian. Say hello, and tell him how nice his garden looks. And ask him what kind of herbs he is growing, please.
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Originally published on Life, Explained
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Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash