Rebranding the Rebound Relationship

Outside the realm of basketball, the rebound gets a bad rap. Although its definition — something that bounces back —sounds promising, when used to describe relationships it’s a label placed on couplings that are presumed to be overly hasty and destined to fail.

Statistically, it might be entirely accurate to say that most relationships that immediately follow a breakup don’t stand the test of time. In fact, I’d venture to guess that the majority of rebound relationships flame out quickly. But what gets lost in the numbers is how much good a rebound can do for our self-esteem and our ability to truly move on from a situation that was no longer (or maybe ever) right for us.

There have been multiple times in my life when a brief rebound fling — or even a rebound flirtation — was the only cure for my broken heart. Not therapy, not the passage of time, not endless hours of phone calls to friends. Sure, those things certainly helped, but it was the rebound that did the trick and pushed me over the finish line.

Again, in my case this didn’t necessarily mean a brand new formal relationship. One rebound was a brief vacation romance that primarily consisted of making out in dimly-lit bars and the back of taxis. I was at a point post-breakup when I just needed to get out of my own head and feel excited about someone new for a few weeks. This person was never meant to have a starring role in my life, but his one-episode story arc was crucial.

Another rebound came in the form of an unexpected increase in attention from a guy I didn’t think had ever noticed me. It never led to a confession of romantic feelings, or even anything physical, but the simple act of exchanging mildly flirty texts for a few months reminded me that my appeal extended beyond the person who had recently decided he no longer wanted to be with me. I felt re-energized after a long period of emotional exhaustion.

Ultimately, of course, real healing after heartbreak comes from rebuilding our own internal sense of self-worth. But a dose of dopamine and external validation from a new source can certainly move things along faster. It brings back the butterflies and desirability we felt at the beginning of our former relationship, instead of the gnawing anguish and rejection we felt at the end of it.

So maybe the rebound is in need of an image rebrand. Instead of criticizing the timing of these relationships (or situationships, whatever the case may be), maybe we can focus on how they can help us. Their existence provides concrete evidence that there really is a whole world out there full of new people and possibilities. And that includes the future partner who won’t ever give us the need to rebound.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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