In conversations, people use self-confidence and self-esteem interchangeably to describe how they feel about themselves (most times in terms of their level of belief/trust in their own intrinsic value, especially when compared to others).
Someone who is self-confident or has healthy self-esteem is usually seen as bold, strong, experienced, or simply cool. But these are not necessarily what self-confidence or self-esteem is.
In fact, self-confidence and self-esteem are two distinct things; though they relate and rely on each other like the Chinese Ying-Yan.
They (self-confidence and self-esteem) differ in how they relate with the external world: Whilst self-confidence is highly precarious as situations change or evolve, self-esteem is mostly fixed, or changes very slowly.
A self-confident person believes that they can face their challenges given their competence and advantages, whilst someone with healthy self-esteem may fear a challenge and even fail miserably in a challenge yet still believe they are important and worthy.
Hence, self-confidence has to do with trust in one’s abilities/advantages/resources, whilst self-esteem has to do with love for one’s self – no matter the circumstance or predisposition.
In essence, someone who is confident would face their challenges head on because they believe they can conquer and overcome them, whilst someone who has healthy self-esteem would not simply give up (or loath themselves) because they didn’t shine and win in their endeavors.
What Is the Relationship Between Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem, and How Do They Work Together?
Life is a constant struggle, and with that struggle comes the chances of failure and success. Thankfully, humans have the capacity to level up their ability in tackling issues as they arise. We are resilient beings and are adapted to survive.
The problem is, we are bound to fail every once in a while; it is the way we approach and handle this fear, sometimes experiences that differentiates the successful from the unsuccessful.
Ideally, in the face of defeat, a person’s self-confidence is swiftly demolished and quickly replaced by self-consciousness (or humbleness).
This is because the illusion (or presumption) the individual once had of their capability or advantage has been destroyed. Hence they would no longer feel confident in themselves – in regards to the aspect which they failed in, though they may still remain confident in others. But this is only half the equation.
After failing (or not succeeding as much as expected), an individual must make a decision to either try again or give up. This is where self-esteem comes in.
To a person who has a low-self-esteem, a failure could prove to be a fatal blow because their belief of being undeserving or unworthy would now be confirmed and they will not bother trying again. But to someone with healthy self-esteem, it would only become a call to upgrade their competence and performance, because they believe that they are worthy of winning and their failure is only a result of bad timing, insufficient resources or lack of development on their part.
The implication of this is huge for success in life: Even when self-confidence is broken, the person with healthy self-esteem would try again. After having refilled their self-confidence tank by an upgrade of insight and capability, they would go back to the battlefield, drawing board, training field, recovery room or wherever they need to go back to. Hence, people with healthy-self-esteem are always attacking or working on their challenges with greater force each time they fail. Sadly, the reverse is also true for someone with low self-esteem.
Thankfully, when someone with low-self esteem does something and succeeds, the rewards and accolades they get make them realize that if they could achieve something, maybe they had been mistaken about how valuable they were all along – thereby developing a better perspective of themselves and increasing their self-esteem.
Needless to say, people who win often may feel increasingly better about themselves, whilst those who lose often may feel worse about themselves. It’s more or less like “the rich keep getting richer, whilst the poor keep getting poorer” kind of situation.
Does Self-Confidence and Esteem Lead to Success? (Why And How)
Success is simply winning. But if you’re not playing, how can you hope to win?
People who are self-confident, or who have enough self-esteem to build their self-confidence end up taking more shots, and consequently end up winning more.
So how do you manage to be that person that takes more shots and wins more?
The idea is simple.
How To Build Your Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem to Achieve Success in Life
- Be Comfortable: People are not born self-confident. As babies, we were all fearful and always ran to our parents for everything. As kids, we also tried a lot of things, which means we failed and won sometimes. The issue is, a lot of kids grow up obsessing about failure and wins rather than just playing (this is a mindset that may have been drummed in by parents, teachers, and society at large). The result is that they end up not wanting to embarrass themselves, injure themselves, lose money, etc. They are constantly fearful. Whilst this would surely save them from a lot of embarrassment, injuries, and loss of money, it would also stunt their chance of growth and success. Succeeding requires acting, and the self-confidence and self-esteem to do that require being comfortable with winning and losing.
- Prepare (Take It Slow): When you enter a new field or come along a new opportunity, don’t look away, or get terrified by the tasks ahead (remember failing doesn’t mean you’re a failure – it’s all a game you must play). Accept the challenge and then go work on your abilities, gather resources, and consequently, you’d find that you become self-confident in that field. Picture this, imagine being locked in a room with a lion, but also having an AK-47. The truth is that you might still be terrified, but you are sure you stand a better chance, especially when you’ve been learning how to use an AK-47 all week. That is what self-confidence feels like – you are scared, but still trust yourself to be capable of winning.
- Take Your Shot: Pull the trigger to kill the lion. When you take on challenges (after due preparation) you are most likely going to win, and that would further boost your self-confidence, which would then make you realize that you weren’t a loser all along; and look, given the right tools and practice, you really could defeat the king of the jungle. And with greater self-esteem, comes the desire to take on greater challenges which would bring greater pleasures and rewards.
This is true for all aspects of life: The public speaker addressing hundreds of thousands of people started by speaking in front of a mirror, then a few tens, hundreds, thousands, then tens of thousands. So also the dancer learned one move, then another, and another. It’s all about making tiny improvements and leveraging on the morale from them to achieve more.
And the more you play, the more you win. Self-confidence and self-esteem are your tickets to a better life, my brothers, so build on them! 😉
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